That One Time....

I bought a house... or I am in the process.  I have the inspection at 9am this morning. This is the first big thing I have done on.my.own. That's right this is all me (ok well I have had some help in the process). Its been stressful, overwhelming, daunting, and flat out scary.

I admit I have doubted at times and been angry at the circumstances, but I know this is where the Lord is calling me. He is giving me that piece of stability and security that I have longed for. He is allowing me to move into my next season. This may not be what I had hoped for, or thought I would be doing at this stage of my life, but I must be faithful, I must trust and I know I can do this through Him.

Meanwhile.... I bought a freaking house people!!!! I promise to let you all in once I am 100% sure this is it. Keep me in your thoughts today and pray that my lil munchkins get the yard they want! Speaking of those lil buggers....

 

My lil monkey

My precious baby

 

 

Blog Every Day in May {Letting Go}

  Today's topic could not be more apropos: React to this Term: Letting Go  

Someone told me these exact words the other night. I was lying in bed in complete tears and I texted them, half angry, half lonely, a whole lot of overwhelmed and they said you need to do what you told me to do and that's let go.

 

It hit me right there of all that those little word encompass. Its putting your total faith in the Lord that He will provide, He will heal, He will grant you grace and peace. Letting go is choosing to move on and not dwell on past decisions. Letting go is forgiving yourself and more importantly forgiving others.

 

Letting go doesn't mean you have to forget. Its mean you choose to give it up to Him. Letting go is freedom. Freedom for your heart, your soul, your mind.

 

These past months I have wrestled with this term: letting go. I have pondered it and tried desperately to let go. I think the reason I struggled so much with this is because I was trying to "let go" of the wrong things. I need to let go of the guilt I carry. I need to let go of the disappointment of the dreams I had of my life at 30. I need to let go of the fear of life on my own. I need to let go of the perfectionism I harbor inside myself and know that I am imperfect, but perfect in His eyes. I need to let go of the pain I feel for all my decisions and choices in life and know that He will restore what the locusts have eaten. (Joel 2:25).

 

Letting go means allowing yourself to be made whole again; to be filled with His love and joy; to see the light at the end of the tunnel; to live in the now; and allow yourself to love and be loved again.

Blog Every Day in May

Day 28: Only Pictures

Diva Dash 5k

Yup, I own this!

 

Volleyball injury

 

 

Blog Every Day In May

Something you read online:
Other than Blogs... the one thing I read online is a wonderful women's devotional from She Reads Truth.
This is a site run by Christian women for women. They go through books of the Bible and each day have a daily devotional that leads you through that day's reading. You then are given a chance to comment, discuss and be apart of a community of women sharing the gospel and His word. This is the first thing I read in the morning and it prepares me for the day. I am focused and refreshed. I do not always comment and or engage in the discussion, but its my little piece of Him each day.

On Being OK

It's the question everyone will ask you post D, "Are you ok?" Ok, what does ok mean? Webster defines it as all right. We use it to mean yes, as in do you want to hangout tonight? ok. We use it to mean WTF? As in when you get upset with someone and then look at you and say Okay... (drawn out). But what does it mean to be ok? and who wants to be just ok?

I am not crazy, I am about to lose it or go off the deep end. I am divorced, not dead.  I have accepted the things I cannot change and decided to move forward. I am 30, not 80. I am single, not an alien. Yes people I am ok.

Yes, there are times I step backwards and miss things. Things, not people. Like having another person in the house to help with the pups or take the trash out, or just another warm body that takes up space. I miss conversation and always having someone to eat out with or go to the movies with. I miss companionship.

But, guess what? I have those things. Single does not mean alone. It means growing closer to my friends and family, renewing my walk with Christ and focusing on me. Yeah, that person that not neglected. I get to realize what I like, what's ok for me.

Like, I like flowers, running after work, I snort when I laugh, get embarrassed easily and have quite the sense of humor. I like wine with dinner or before bed. I like to snuggle and and hold hands. I enjoy random shows on reality TV and stolen glances.

I need a man who can lead me as well be lead. I need a man who wants to share my faith walk and wants to go to church. Someone who can show what it means to love and be loved. Who never takes me for granted and pursues me everyday.

I know these things because I am ok. Its been a journey. Its meant forgiving and apologizing, its meant frogs and toads, its meant tears and smiles. Its meant letting go and being vulnerable. Its looking forwards and not backwards. Its finding a super hero in the most unexpected place.

The D is never easy. Its like death. But after the mourning and grieving, you see the sun rise, step outside and your heart is warmed with the grace and glory of God. He gives you what you need. He gives you hope. He gives you the ability to be OK.

It's OK Thursday {The End}

  Yes, its the very last It's Ok link up... ever.... sad, but excited to hear what Neely has in store now! So alas, without further ado, I bring what's ok with me this week...   It's Ok....  

• to be sad the very first link up you ever did is ending
• to make mistakes as long as you recognize them and learn
• to cry... seriously, cry, let it out
• to be all in
• that I selfishly recommended sandwiches for City Group dinner because I am trying to be more healthy
• to freak out when you bring your pup home from the vet and her face blows up like a blimp to FREAK OUT and call someone in tears
• to stay in bed an extra 20 minutes because you are perfectly content
• to be a little sad when you see your first house put on the market (in other news need a house? I know of a great one in Grapevine, TX)
• that I spent a good 5 hours trying to compose 5 sentences of an appellate brief (they are 5 good solid sentences)
• to be afraid of something new as long as you do not let that fear hold you back or keep you guarded
• to tell someone what you need and want, better to scare them now than 6 months from now
• to be giddy
• to love, be loved, and give love.

The Mini Project

Can I tell you how excited I am about this today?!? I have been awaiting this day since Kelly first introduced her Mini Project. What? The Mini Project you say? sooo what is the MINI project you ask?! well if you haven't guessed it yet its allllllll about the mini parts of fashion - the ACCESSORIES...which can also play a huge role in our everyday outfits. Just like clothes, accessories are also worn differently by each person depending on their style, shape, look etc. 

So the MINI project focuses only on accessories....but I don't mean just jewelry - tights, hats, sunglasses, headbands, bows, scarfs, shoes, belts, gloves are alllll accessories as well.  Like before - 
The Deal 1 Accessory 4 Girls 4 Different Styles 1 Major Blog Day

And today is my day! So what did my wondering eyes behold in my package all the way from the West Coast? A headband! What? Me? Headband?

The challenge

Hey y'all!

So, I tried it on... But what would the Mini Project be if I just put a headband in the obvious place? So I vowed to come up with something awesome! Except I drew a total blank. Then it hit me.... I had on this outfit when I unwrapped my treat so I thought let's get creative!

just noticed London is backwards and my apt looks like a mess... opps

Workin' It

I love the way shirts look knotted, and its totally in this season, so I just added a little pizzaz in the back with my awesome headband! So....what do you think?

And this is not just any headband ladies, its a one of a kind made by the totally talented  Mila Rose Designs specially for us May Mini Gals! Oh, wait you totally love the headband? Well, you are in for a treat, since Mila Rose is offering 15% off anything in her shop today, just for those Messy Gals! Head over to her site and put in the code MESSYMINI (all caps). 

Ok, so now you need to check out the other Mini Gals I linked up with this Month!

Kelly @ Messy Dirty Hair 

Kristine @ The Foley Fam { Uneditied }

Vanniee @ VIVA BEAUTY ME

Happy Hump Day Ya'll!! 

Purple Tennis Shoes

Apparently, my inner Blue Steel

Yeah, so there I stood this morning around 6:30 am, in my skirt, blouse (untucked), blown-dry hair, and purple tennis shoes, nonchalantly walking my dogs, when I look down the road, and see it. Yes, his BMW.... Mr. Boss.

He comes towards, me, slows to an almost stop and stares at me. Yes, its me. That girl who works down the hall from you. Yes, hi, I see you waiving, ok now please don't roll down your window.... I now I am standing here in the middle of the street, a little disheveled waiting on Chloe to poop, but must you stop and stare?

Ah, you have moved on. Ok, well now I know its inevitable that we will have an awkward exchange at work. So, nope not going to enjoy my bowl of chocolate Fiber One (which you must try) and almond milk. Nope, not one bit  because I know about 7:32 you will be in my office to have an exchange about seeing me.

And yes, it just happened. You came on in and said was that you with your little dogs? (kinda in the wicked witch of the west voice, like "and you little dog too"). So, yes I go outside of my house with my hair not done, make up half on, shirt untucked in purple tennis shoes to walk my dogs.

Exhibit A

I liken seeing my boss in public to seeing your teachers at dinner when you were a kid, or the even better seeing your college prof at the bar drinking on a Thursday. Its just awkward. Your work life and home life just seemingly should not mix. Its such an out-of-body experience. And I did it all in purple tennis shoes. See Exhibit A.

My family at dinner Sunday (Me, Mom, Gram, Bro)

Taking Chances

Every day we each make a million choices. We choose to get out of bed, we choose what to eat and what to wear. We choose how to proceed through each day. We choose when to be happy and when to be sad. We choose to believe and have faith. We choose to take chances or sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else play the game of life.

 

True life, I spent a lot of time on the sidelines. I did the whole I could have, should have, but chose to not to. I let fear guide my heart and head. I let my head speak for my heart. I lived in the past and guarded every part of myself. I often chose the easy way out  because it was safer, easier, and didn't require my to be vulnerable.

 

I hid myself from the world, only letting people see small glimpses of who I really am. I covered the hurt and pain and fear. I clothed my pain in smiles, an outgoing personality and a drive for success. If you appear to have it altogether, you must, right?

 

I only took calculated risks. Ones that I knew the benefits outweighed the costs and came with quick and instant results. I planned and plotted and often gravitated towards the safe, sure thing. I didn't take any chance I couldn't predict the outcome.

 

I found myself falling back into this same pattern as of late. I went into defense mode, fight or flight. I guarded, put up walls and refused to let anyone see the pain and hurt. I said "I'm fine" more time than I can recount. I didn't take any chances because the D was a huge chance. It was leaving behind a sure thing so to speak. But I was transfixed again. I was scared, afraid. I felt pulled towards my old ways.

 

I have thought so much about what other people would think if I took a chance. What would people say if I let myself feel again, be again, fall again. Would they judge? Would they say its too soon? Would they think I had lost it and gone off the deep end? And then came the naysayers of oh, you need to wait, or don't seem to anxious or available. And there was just keep busy, don't sit home alone, go out, do things.

 

I listened to all the voices in my head, except mine. Only I know how I feel, only I know what's right for me and what I need or want. I had that moment when I had to take a chance a jump. It was staring me right in the face. I could fall or stand planted in the past.

 

Take chances. Don't be afraid. Tell people how you feel about them. Don't worry about how anyone else will react, if they love you and care about you, they will support you. Let people in. Tell them they are important and make them feel that way. Let yourself take chances and fall. We only get once life here on earth. We can spend it standing on the sidelines, or playing the game. I'm ready to play.

 

 

Toes in the Water

Yes, you heard me singing a little Kenny.... I want to be no where else but the beach. Sweet, calm, ocean waves, beach. Sandy butt, toes, hands, legs, ears, beach. Book in hand, lathered in sunscreen, getting a tan beach. (you think I like the beach?). But no, alas  I am here.. at work... looking at the pile of to-dos and projects that need to be finished, oh yesterday. And to top it all off, I am feeling less than stellar. (as in sore throat, swollen glands, completely exhausted sick).

I have looked at places to go. I have dreamed of Mexico, Florida, the Caribbean... and then I come back to reality, that I am a civil lawyer, and an associate at that. No earned vacation, sick or PTO time. Just me, the computer and billable hours. I hate Wednesday when that little piece of paper shows up in my box and tells me how many hours I have billed... I cringe... How can one piece of paper make you feel that unmotivated?

I am then reminded that the week before I stared in space for 4.3 hours, yapped with coworkers for 3.2 hours, went to the bathroom for about 1.1 hours, and actually napped at my desk for 1.2 hours. Add that up and I am failing (at least in my mind).

I just need out. I need to be somewhere that no one walks in the door and asks you to write this, research that or draft this. Where someone waits on me, and fluffs my pillow. Where the only reading I do is of the trashy romance persuasion. Yes, I need the beach.

My skin is so pale I make Casper look tan. I started using tinted lotion just to cut the glare and was totally called out on it when Mr. Kent said, ummm did you go tan? I was like ummm, errr, no, totally lotion, thanks for pointing out my obvious lack of color. This lack of tan makes my brightened blonde locks look less than perfect with my skin tone, and no amount of bronzer can give me the hint of summer glow.

So, if someone would kindly book me a trip, make all the plans and send me the itinerary I'm game. Well, only of you can find a heck of deal where I am not out of the office too long as to feel guilty and lose too many billables and a place where I can get Internet, cause duh you know I will work some... yes I know I have a problem, which is why I NEED THE BEACH!

Being Still

  Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it  

This one isn't hard for me. I have shared before my life with you all. The story of my father, he stay courtesy of the State of Texas, my struggles growing up in a single-parent home, "daddy" issues, coupled with my recent life changes in the marriage department.

 

I have long accepted my lot in life. I know that this is where God wants me. He has chosen me to accept the challenges presented me and work through them. He has made me His disciple, His mouthpiece, His example.

 

I have struggled, hard and often. I have doubted, been angry and turned away. I have questioned more than 1000 once "why?" I would not wish what I have been through on anyone other than to say it has provided me a strength that is unlike any other. My lot has fueled me to reach higher, push harder, strive to overcome. It has allowed me to see both sides of the coin and use that insight to reach out and help others.

 

I have been allowed to counsel others, walk with them, carry their burdens when they are too weak to do so. My lot has made me who I am today. This lot was chosen for me, destined, mine. I have always abided by the mantra that God does not put anything  before you that you cannot handle, so I must be pretty darn strong. But it is the truth. He always provides, always gives you want you need, not what you want, but what is needed to live out your lot.

 

Right now I am working to be still. We discussed this a lot lately in our group and sermons about being still and being comfortable in your season. I shared with my CG family what the last few months have been speaking to me. It has told me to be patient, be still. Its is in those quiet moments that I hear Him telling me that I am ok. I am doing what He wants. I hear Him calling to me. He speaks words that are often hard for me to hear. But it is what I need. When I am still I heard His words providing comfort, telling me to accept the things I cannot change. He has granted me courage to move forward; put people in my life to show me what love should look and feel like; surrounded me with a family of believer to lift me up and love me unconditionally; and  allowed me peace because He is carrying my sin.

 

I overcome my lot with prayer.

 

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10

My Big Girl Lawyer Pants

Hi, my name is Lynn  and I am a lawyer. But today, I have to be big girl lawyer Lynn.

Yup, me taking my first depo all by myself (ok so the partner in charge will be 2 inches away). But still its all me! So.... things to know before your first depo:

• stand your ground
• silence is ok
• outline
• listen to the answers
• kill them kindness
• kill them with your firmness
• its ok to be a lil flippant
• trust your gut
• don't drink too much water and have to pee
• when in doubt, turn to the partner next to you and give him the look of fear

So, send me good vibes tomorrow as I put on my big girl lawyer pants and take these depos by the balls!

Finding Superman

"faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound"

After yesterday's post I sat down and reread all your sweet comments. Thank you. Thank you for supporting me and letting me have this outlet. Thank you for allowing me to share a piece of me with you all each day. I strive to be real and raw. Its not always easy, but who said life was supposed to be. But the more I thought about  my past the more I thought about my future.
As women begin planning our weddings as little girls. We think about the dress, the cake, what it will be like to be a wife and a mom. We want the American dream. We want the perfect day where we get to be the princess and look beautiful. We want GI Joe, Ken, and Superman all rolled into one. We dream of this perfect man waiting there for us who will become our future husband. He is tall, dark, handsome, perfect job, falls in love with us instantaneously and does all the right things. He knows when we are upset, sad, picks out the perfect gift and always knows what to say to make us feel better. Yup... Superman. He is rough and aggressive, yet brave, kind-hearted with a strong sense of justice, morality and righteousness. He is the ideal. This is what women are taught is what we should find. Its not wonder men think women are crazy. We have been looking for this man who just does not exist. We want to form men into this perfect ideal. We fantasize and when we can't find this "man" we begin to think there is something wrong with us. Men aren't perfect, women aren't perfect, and no relationship, or marriage is perfect for that matter. So, as I enter this new stage of my life I sat down to think about my ideal, my Superman. He's not perfect. He comes with his own "baggage", his own past. He will have good days and bad days. He will disappoint me, frustrate me, leave the toilet seat up, forget to make the bed and be able to eat ice cream every day without gaining a pound. He is imperfect though.
But, he will be honest with me, open, vulnerable. He will seek Christ everyday. He will hold my hand and love me when I'm having a fat day. He'll never understand why I have those fat days though. He will accept me for who I am-- my past, my present and my future. He will understand that I am imperfect just like him. I come with baggage and wear my heart on my sleeve. He will see me when no one else does. He will make the effort. He wants to see me every chance he can. He says he's sorry. He respects me, my thoughts, and my drive. He sees the independent woman who is really a little girl at heart. He will walk hand in hand with me and lead me on the journey of life. Like Superman, he will appear when you least expect him, but need him the most. So, Ill wait patiently, not as a damsel in distress, but as a confidant woman waiting for Him.
10 Things That Make Me Happy
Flowers just because

1. City Group
2. Having a great group of Christian women in my life
3. Cookies
4. Chloe and Sophie
5. A good book
6. the beach
7. finding the answer to a complex research issue
8. the perfect  text message at the right moment
9. Knowing I get to live each day because of Him

May I have Your Attention

 

Today's Blog every day in May prompt: Issue a public apology.... Hmmmm, Just one, I only get 1? This could be good or bad, but here we go:

 

Dear M--

 

I'm sorry for so many things. I am sorry you hurt. I am sorry I hurt. I am sorry that things ended the way they did. I am sorry we didn't get to do things on our bucket lists and live out those hopes and dreams together. I apologize for all the times I yelled and screamed, for the times I expected you to know what was wrong and then got mad when you didn't. I am sorry for holding a grudge and for bringing past anger into our future. I am sorry for taking out my past on you. I apologize for not speaking up and telling you what I needed and wanted. I am sorry I let it get to this. I am sorry I became complacent. I am sorry that I failed to meet your needs at times and often forgot to ask about them. I am sorry for being scared... of you, of life, of letting go. I am sorry I didn't live up to my end of the bargain at times. I am sorry the way things ended. You will always hold a special place in my heart and I want nothing but the best for you, its all I ever wanted--to see you happy.

 

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32

She Let Go

Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of fear.
She let go of judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She just let go.

She let go of all the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.

She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. No applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort, no struggle.

No good or bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile crept over her face. A light breeze blew through her.

And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
Here’s to giving ourselves the gift of letting go…

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32

Who Uses that Word {It's ok Thursday}

So we are taking a minute out of this normally-scheduled It's Ok Thursday to bring you breaking news.... I'm pretty sure I was called the infamous C word for the first time yesterday. OK so I know I was called, it, but pretty sure it was the first time. Yes, you heard me right the C word. I will not repeat it, but its the on you are thinking of... yes...

Appalled? Tell me about it. I mean had the situation warranted the use of such word, perhaps (not that any situation warrants that word) but still... I know, I know he said it out of anger and pain,  but come on.

Truth is the big D is hard. Its akin to death. I mean you literally have lost someone. Its the death of a relationship. Its hard. Its even worse when you have managed to be civil through the whole thing. I cried. Right there in my office, cried, door open, bawling on the phone.

The worst part? I let it affect the rest of my day and my work-product. (Note to self: Lynn should not practice law while mildly upset). I managed to perform a comedy or errors on some depo notices and had to call opposing counsel to ask him to politely just throw away that last fax... promise me just throw it away....

So, I decided that my c-word self would just skip group and get my stress relief run on... Yeah didn't help. What helps? My CG family. They know what I need, know how to comfort me and well they care. They do not judge, though I think C may have been mildly taken aback by my use of the C word. However, after a small cry and chit chat things were better. Its not easy, but I am not sure what I would do without them. So, we boiled some craw fish, ate some spicy food and had a glorious fellowship.

Silver lining you ask? A lil wine when I got home and Clark Kent to the rescue!

So, let's see what's ok with me this week....

It's OK....

to cry in your office after being called that word

to seek comfort in the Lord and the children he sends to lift us up

to pray through the hard times

to want to call M a zillion other choice things, but not (hello big girl pants)

to ask for help when you need it

to just want to be held all night

that I managed to eat dessert everyday last week and sometimes twice

to give in when you are scared

to fall

to be Me... everyday, all day.

If I Only Knew

 

So, I was overwhelmed with the amount of love I received yesterday when I shared about why I started blogging and why I continued to. I also realized that so many of you were out there supporting me and were proud of me for sharing my heart with you over these past 5 months (yes only 5). I realized that some of you have realized what the giant elephant in the blog has been and some of you are kind of in the dark. I was amazed at how some of you thought I was perfect. This thought really got to me because in my City Group we really try to be real and vulnerable with each other and I realized sometimes I have not been open with you all. I mean, yes its a tad different form from my small church group, but I think using the "D" word here made it more real. Admitting that I had failed at something that was so important to me and something I wanted from the beginnings of womanhood is hard. Putting it out there that my plan somehow backfired makes me nervous. Admitting I am 30 and feel like I am back to square 1.... yeah freaked out like 500 2 times.

 

So, anywho.....back to this lovely link up only because it kind of goes along with what I had already planned to talk about today: "a piece of advice you have for others." I feel like I have so much to share at this point in my life, so here goes.... Lessons from Lynn.

 

1. You have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else
2. do not expect a man to make you happy, no one can make you happy except you and the Lord
3. don't sit around waiting for things to happen, go make them happen
4. speak up! yes, you, girl who think that if you say something to a man he will leave you, yeah well if he does he wasn't worth your time to begin with
5. don't change for anyone. when you see yourself begin to become someone you do not know, stop and think about why... evolving is ok, becoming someone you do not like, its not
6. recognize toxic people in your life and remove them. yeah you heard me.... its hard, but you will be better off surrounded by people who truly love you
7. seek answers, closure makes a world of difference
8. be open to change
9. seek a circle of people who love the Lord as much as they love you. When you are lifted up by people who seek to immolate Christ, you are automatically lifted up
10. trust your gut
11. the world does not end at 30
12. its ok to fail because its not really failing, its God teaching you something, redirecting your path, putting you back on course
13. Cry when you need to
14. slow down, do not get so caught up in life that you cannot enjoy it
15. Let go... let go of anger, pain, resentment, guilt, the burdens you carry that you need not
16. buy a puppy when you want one
17. let people in
18. trust that feeling you get when someone is put into your life and you just know
19. be open, honest and upfront with people you care about
20. forget "the rules"
21. Love, be loved, and give love.

But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; my glory, and the lifter of my head.
- Psalms 3:3

Why I Share My Life

I thought I would actually do this one because as I look back over the last two years I blogging I realized how different the reason I started blogging is from why I blog now.

 

I began blogging shortly after I took the bar exam. I was 28, newly married, just bought our first house and about to start a new job. I thought I had something to contribute and wanted to share what it was like to be young, married, and a female associate in a law firm. I knew I was bound to have some funny stories and interesting insight. I also wanted to document what it was like to be a newlywed experiencing all that comes along with that. It was just my everyday life along with some humor in between about what it was like to basically start over at 28.

 

Whew... well 2 and 1/2 years later I am again starting over. I thought when I started blogging I had life all figured out. I was finally stable for once in my life and living the dream. I mean what else could I need or want at 28? I had great job, gorgeous house, loving husband, one sweet puppy girl... I mean come on I had my sh*t together....

 

I guess I appeared that way. I projected this confidant, haveitalltogether woman who had no fear, no regret, no guilt or shame. Clearly we have all seen that is the farthest thing from the truth. I too struggle with indecision, wanting to please, being wrong, body image... I wanted everyone to think I was perfect, that I had no secrets, no past, no regrets. I kept it all in.

 

Now, now I blog to share life with everyone to show that no matter what you have in life, we struggle. We all wrestle with where we are in life, what season we are in. We itch to move, change, make it better, but then rebuke when God calls us to make that change. We get comfortable, yet want more. I blog about my journey from the known to the unknown; my emotional roller coaster; my dating insecurities; and my journey with the Lord. I also blog about the mundane, the tough stuff, fashion, food, the goofy stuff I manage to do and sometimes serious discussion on issues and life. Its all a reflection of me. Someone said recently they felt they had to stop reading my blog because they felt the knew too much (might have been the biggest compliment ever).

 

This blog, this is me, this is my life my little corner of the interwebs that I love sharing with you. It has allowed me an outlet, its cathartic and I have met some amazing women and developed some wonderful friendships. So blog, blog the good, the bad, the ugly, but blog, and blog for you.

 

In other news, my lil peanut Sophie got her first bath this morning....

 

looks so pitiful

 

 

Riff Ram

This will only make sense to you if you went to TCU... but yes the words to our oldest and still most used cheer are Riff Ram.... its followed by an odd assortment of other silly words, but hey it was back in the like 1900's so who knows maybe those really were fightin words....

So, I went to an epic wedding this weekend. Yes, you heard me I went to a wedding. In the same church where, well ummm I said my vows. Ok I lie, I could not make myself muster of the courage to sit in beautiful Robert Carr Chapel all over again. I did, however, party my pants er dress, off that night. The reception was in our Champions Clubs in Amon G. Carter Stadium on the glorious campus I call home, TCU. See the evidence of such epicness, including "purple velvet" cake. Us Horned Frogs loves us some school pride.

Cake, sweet glorious cake

mmm paella

All cake, and yummy at that

perhaps the coolest part

 

Yup.... fun was had by all, including this party girl (ok so I left at 11pm and crawled into bed with the girls, cause let's face it I was tired.