5 on Friday

I' m going to be brief today, well because I have barely had a second to myself, spent my whole week  feeling like I was spinning my wheels, and my throat hurts. So before this lil night night pill take effect, I give you my 5 on Friday.

1. SPRING - As in finally arrived in Texas! It was indeed almost 90 here yesterday! YAHOO

2. I see this every morning on my lovely 5 minute commute. But sometimes I just wish I could drive right up that ramp and let that tow-truck  man take me to work. Random party of 1 I know.

3. Sophie's anniversary of becoming a part of the family! Yup, my little snuggle bug has been with me for a year!

4. Fort Worth Food & Wine Festival - Le guy and I are heading out to one of the event's tomorrow. Its called Burgers, Brews & Blues. Let's just say he is excited for the brew and me the burgers....

5. Bagels. I have a problem. I like them. And they are just so easy and scrumptious and on my way to work. I like them all (ok so I may not like the one with cheese on it) But its not the best way to start my am, ya know all those carbs.... but man so good, so easy, so warm and toasty covered in smear.... Yeah, its just perfect.

Happy Weekend ya'll!

Eye Roll and OMG I'm that person

So last night our little city group had a get together with another group. We were uber excited and planned picnic theme. In other words, we had a ton of hot dogs we needed to unload and it was easy for a bring whatever the heck you can for dinner kind of theme. But, I digress.

So, not sure what happened to our lil group, but they were rather MIA, darn it when life gets in the way, but it was good for those of us who were there to branch out and meet new people. The other group brought a TON of people and... kids. Yes, kids.

No biggie, except our group, well all our kids are either of the four-legged variety, in-vitro or under the age 2. We are not used to mini-people running around. It was a tad overwhelming to some of us at first. They run, jump, squeal, etc... I'm all for kids, but when you're suddenly inundated with them all at once and in various stages of activity, it can be a tad disturbing.

Now, the pups seems to be in heaven. They jumped, ran, slid, bombarded just as the kids did. However, I suddenly became that person. I was appalled at myself. It was right there as I finally grabbed a  plate and began to go through the food line. See, we waited. We let the other group and kids go first. So, as I wandered over to the chicken, it was gone. Yup, gone. Nar a chicken tender in sight. And then it happened, I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth and said it. I blamed the kids. I was that person. That person who is not understanding of kids who grab more than they can actually eat and live off of chicken tenders. I gulped. Oh no! When did I become that person?

As I sat down to eat, I did it again! I saw them running in and out of the back doors and with feet on furniture and thought, someone tell them to stop! Gulp!

When I got home, I laid down in bed and had a talk with myself. It went like this: Self, when did we get so... old.... when did we get so grumpy.... when did we get so judgy? Self, we are awful!

It was in that moment that I realized that its so easy to become complacent in your chapter of life.Its so easy for our group the become overwhelmed because we don't experience it everyday. We are good with the baby thing, the dog thing, but the kid thing? Wow, we were humbled. These kids were not rude, they did not willingly cause malicious acts, they were just being kids. They were polite, they cleaned their plates and simply did not notice the door needed a lil extra umph to close it. I was so quick to judge.

But, its understandable. I am not around it everyday. And so I apologized for my actions and judgment and then realized it was also ok for me to and the others to be overwhelmed. We all had a lesson in life. Everyone learned that our church and the world is different for everyone. Someday I will have those kids and want others to understand, and those who have kids I am sure long for the days of being kidless every once in a while and envy my current life.

But, all-in-all it made me realize how easy I am to judge and complacent I have become in my stage of life. So, thank you God for showing me grace and teaching me a lesson. I am blessed to have my life, but even more blessed to see God at work in people of all ages and stages of life. And... I am so not ready for anything over the age of umm 2, right now! Good thing they don't come out at teenagers!

Dogs, babies & Jesus

If ever there was slogan for my life or that of my friends' lives, this would be it. Dogs,  babies and Jesus! This also easily describes that last year or so of my life.

DOGS:
Yes, one year ago today I brought this sweet baby home.

She turned Chloe and my life upside down, inside-out and every which way from Sunday. Sophie is the complete opposite of Chloe. She is wild, needy, whiny, throws tantrums, and wants your constant attention.

Chloe is sweet, loving, calm (for the most part), does her own thing, etc... you get the point. BUT.... They are inseparable. Chloe has loved having a built-in playmate and best friend. They run and jump and play and get into adventurous situations. They are my puppy-girls, and my first babies.

BABIES

My friends and co-workers are popping these things out like waffles from a toaster! From my bf lawyer at my office, to our paralegal, from two girls in my city group, including my incredible bestie K (who might be the cutest preggo ever!). Add in several sorority sisters, including my little, my first friend at TCU, who just had twins! Its the year of the baby!

JESUS

We laughed about this at city group, but its so true for me. I have spent the last year + finding myself again. I went from wife to single woman. I went from doubter to believer. I went from living in darkness to stepping into light and seeing and speaking truth. I have embarked upon the greatest journey of life, and its the most fulfilling of them all. I have found that life is messy, and dirty and dark. Humans hide in the darkness by pretending it doesn't exist or by justifying it. We are all guilty of this. I am guilty of this. But what this year and what I have learned is that He gave up His only son so that we could live in the light. He knows we will struggle, but His grace is infinite and loving. I have learned that we are not meant to do this journey alone. Life is meant to be lived in community with others who love us, disciple us, and lead us into the light. So, yes, this has been the year of Jesus.

Three words to sum it all up: Dogs.Babies.Jesus.

Chocolate Makes it Better

Yeah, so sorry I was MIA yesterday. I just had no desire, energy or time to blog. I would say it was because I had a fabu weekend, but alas I mostly did some of this.

As did the pups. I was just exhausted, so I slept. And then I felt like poo Sunday, so I slept some more. I did what I like to call championship sleeping. I think I probably slept at least 10 hours each day.

I did have some fun. Friday was gorgeous here in Texas. So, we headed to a local joint called the Bearded Lady and had some grub and someone had some beer.

Saturday, post sleep-session, there was a dinner trip to Kona Grill, where someone had some sushi.

Sunday, post sleep-session, someone made me Dijon-pesto salmon.

As for the rest of the weekend and my life? I am mourning Duke's loss and the bust of my bracket, but oh well cause who saw Mercer coming?

 And, I was so excited because my iHome died. Ok, so that is not what got me excited. I have been working musicless for about 3 weeks. 3 long, quiet weeks. So, I finally invested in bluetooth speaker. Meet Mini Jawbox. Isn't she cute? And there is dead iHome. Notice she thinks its 6:35am? Yeah its not. And she is perpetually stuck in some Tejano station, so alas, my Jambox rocks! I have my Kiss FM in the morning and my tunes all day via my ipod or phone!

Well, I know its not exciting, but its me. Up this week, more MSJ drafting and mediation prep. Oh, and Spring may creep its pretty little head in here.

5 on Friday

It's Friday! Its supposed to be 80 here today and well this week managed to turn out alright! Like...

1. March Madness - This is the first year in forever I am not a basketball widow. Yup! Nope man has deserted me for Vegas to watch copious hours of basketball in a smoky casino sports book with his BFF. Nope, I filled out my bracket, by myself, (not that Ohio St. or Cincinnati did me much help) and I don't plan on watching one solitary moment of basketball!

2. I came home to these babies on my doorstep! Made my little heart so happy. What is better than flowers? Flowers from one of your BOFF!

 3. Lattes, when I can make them from the comfort of the Keurig in our office kitchen.... I love the Gevalia mocha lattes!

ignore that my mousepad is nasty we had a coffee incident

4. SPRING! As in its finally looking like its lovely face will stay for more than 24 hours! Rain, shine, as long as its above 32!

5. Food! Yup, its amazing. This is perhaps the first time since hmm 2006 that I have just not worried so much about food. Yes, I watch what I eat, and only indulge when it matters, but I do not count every calorie, look at every fat gram, weigh myself 3-4 times a day, and oh I eat! Like 6 times a day. Its freeing to not see food as the enemy anymore! I let myself splurge every once and while, don't shame run 4 miles when I eat bread or dessert.... Who knew life could be so good and I would actually look better than I did 10 pounds ago!

Hello Spring

Yup, today is the first day of Spring and the International Day of Happiness. I know that many of you have not seen or felt a sign of spring, but I shall send some your way if I can! For us Texans, well spring is normally a short-lived season in which we see er, perhaps a month of nice, manageable temperatures before summer hits and then the other season known as extreme-summer. But today, I shall celebrate spring!

Its also, the day of happiness. I know its been rather grim around these parts so today I promise to share some happiness in my life. First of all, in less than a month this lady is getting married! Oh and did I mention that I will be there?!? Yup, flight booked, hotel booked, bags, well not packed, but ready!! And... on top of that, I get to finally meet this lady too! I mean, how lucky and happy can one girl be to get to spend a weekend with two of her BOFF (best online friend forever)!!

You know what else makes me happy? The fact that at city group last night, the ladies managed to devour the entire bowl of fruit and the chocolate cake... by ourselves, sorry guys! And that we unofficially decided our tagline should  be Dogs, Babies & Jesus! (T-shirt coming soon). And that any night with the ladies of this group, and the men, just puts a smile on my face!

You know what else makes me happy? That I ate a lot yesterday and didn't care. Yup, cereal, fish sandwich and sweet potato fries, pizza, fruit, salad, quac, chocolate cake, golden Oreos..... yup... and no shame people, no shame!

And you know what else makes me happy? This guy (man he puts up with a lot):

These girls:

this guy who forces me to be stronger & faster and eat more protein (and listens to me whine):

single man ladies!

and this verse:

What makes you happy?

My Lately

I feel like I have nothing profound to say, no diabolical plans, no huge news, just life. However, I have recently decided that ya know 9:45 p.m. is the time to release all emotional crap I have been hanging onto for the month, week, day, minute. Yup, lately about 9:45 p.m. as I lay my sweet head onto my pillow and tuck my babies in to bed I just cry. I cry because I'm tired. I cry because I'm stressed. I cry because I'm overwhelmed with house, work, life, dogs! I cry because I am laying alone and the house makes creepy noises and I am too chicken-butt to do much, and come on if someone really broke in I would: a) hear the door; b) the dogs would go crazy; and c) I could be doomed anyway because my windows are painted shut!

Lately, all I want is a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast. Yup, you heard it, that is all that sounds remotely good to me, but lordy, we all know that won;t do a thing for the crying other than  make it worse cause now I'm sporting a bagel around my midsection. But I let myself have one every other day now and then.

Lately, I have wanted to just escape. I want to be in a different time zone, setting, state of mind. I want to go to a zen place. A place where there is nothing to do but think about my next meal.

Lately, I have missed the cascade of flowers that used to adorn my windowsill at work. Ya know  back when men sent me flowers for just about any reason if they thought it would get my attention. I admit I don;t want the hoard of men, just the pretty petals that brightened my day.

Lately, I have been a less than stellar puppy mom.I get home and feed them, but I have little desire to play tug-o-war or pet them endlessly while watching TV. Nope, I just want them to play nice and then sleep so mommy can rest.

Lately, I have been easily annoyed by anyone and anything. Let's call it perpetual PMS. Its been harder to bite my tongue and easier to roll my eyes. I know, I know... I need to keep it in check.

Lately, I have been dying for sun on my face and a tan on my shoulders.

How have you been lately?

22

As in the age I wish I could go back to. I mean, Taylor says it all right there in the song! I got to thinking the other day when this song came on during a run. 22, was really as good as T. Swift sings?

For me? yeah! I turned 22 my senior year of college. I twirled my last games at Amon G. Carter Stadium with the band at TCU. I was dating a super sweet guy from high school. I travelled to London my last semester for an internship and travelled all over Europe. I started my first job, moved to Austin, left my first job and moved back to Fort Worth and began working full-time at TCU. I had my first two apartments all by myself. I made my first major purchase in the form of bedroom furniture that I still use to this day.

But, I also learned a lot about myself. What I liked, didn't like, wanted, didn't want. What its like to be told that I am not perfect and some people do not like me or how I work. I also suffered loss. My best friend's dad passed away, and my other best friend's younger brother passed away. My group of friend's from high school bonded and formed last friendship that perhaps wasn't there during college.

22. I partied. I gained the post-college 15. I lived on pb sandwiches and Little Cesear's $5 hot & ready pizza and cereal. For the first time I wasn't twirling.

Yes, 22 was a pivotal year for me. I went from college co-ed to world traveler to working woman in the course of one year. I made decisions that would cement who I was, where I was going and the things that would come. i was stupid, silly, frivolous, yest brave, adventurous and bold. It was pre-M, post everyone else from college life. 22 was just about me. Oh to be 22 again.

What about you? Would you do 22 again?

Top 'O the Monday to You

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Got your green on? Soda bread baked? Corned beef in the making? I do! I'm embracing some of my Irish roots (hello Evans, Gunning.... part of me) and having a lil Irish feast tonight! But, first, a little recap of my weekend.

It started a tad early on Friday. I managed to depart the office at a decent hour and headed for a much-needed pedicure! Yup, I read, got my toes done, ran by the grocery story and even got in a nap before heading to a Couple's Shower Fiesta for some friends of mine! We dined on fajitas, ritas and beer (ok I had wine) Fun was had by all!

This was mid the newlywed game

 Saturday, well... errr... I was supposed to  head out to Greenville for the Dallas St. Patty's day festivities, but yeah let's just say between stress, the rain and tad bit of a fight we failed to make it. Instead, I worked out and veged out... all.day.long. to the tune of napping. Even these guys needed the rest.

they even shared a bed. sisters. how cute!

Sunday was more resting and relaxation. I worked out and then headed out to the hitherland of Fort Worth to have lunch with some friends at Twisted Root Burgers. Its been featured on Diners' Drive-ins and Dives and was soooo good! Topped it off with some ice cream and a tummy ache. Then back to the house for some more epic napping. It was cold and dreary and the perfect day for lifetime movies and puppy naps. Then I got up to get ready for D's bday dinner. I made green beans and cherry tomatoes in a basil butter sauce. We headed to Aunt K's for pork roast (umm yum) and my beans and some good ole family time.

Needless to say, I got in much-needed rest this weekend and am ready to attack this week! Amazing what sleep does for the soul. Happy Green Beer Day all!

5 on Friday

Today I want to share something special with you all. As I approach the 1 year mark of the Big D, I am reminded of how far I have come. However, I know I would not have made it without some important people. So, today I share with you 5 of the most influential people in my life the past year.


1. V&D - yeah they can count as 1.I have had the unconditional love and support of these two people for well with V as long as I can remember and with D since I was 18. They have shared my ups and downs, triumphs and sorrows, the good, the bad, the ugly. They are there to give me the truth, even when I don't want to face it.

2. Aunt K. Its funny to think I used to be scared to death of this woman! I mean literally scared the snot right out of my young little nose. But she is someone I have grown to respect. She challenges me to think and act far beyond my wildest dreams. I have grown to look forward to our monthly lunches and I know that even when I don't tell her, she knows what is really going on in my head.

3. KW or K as I think I have called her. This woman is awesome. She is truly the epitome of what it means to be a lady, a Christian and a friend. She has walked with me through so much of my professional life and now has been a steadfast guide as I have renewed my walk with Christ and ventured into the unknown of being single again. She is a listening ear, a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on and the speaker of truth. God truly knew what He was doing when He put us both in that summer clerkship.

4.My guy friends. I know this sounds silly, but I have been gifted some pretty awesome men in my life. Some I had had for ever, others since law school and others have made their way into my life via other avenues. But, they have been wonderful. From sweet texts of encouragement, to reminding me that I am still worthy and beautiful, to mowing the lawn, fixing stuff, sending flowers (or fruit) to just reminding me that not all men suck.

5. Jenn, P!nky & Jessica. I have developed such a wonderful and unique friendship with these three women via this little piece of the interwebs. Though I have only met Jess in person, and hopefully the other two soon.... They are friends. They know so much about my life and have taken a vested interest it amazes me. They laugh with me, cry with me, share in my joys and sorrows. We have shared a miscarriage, a baby, a wedding, homebuying and soon another wedding. Its more than a superficial commenting, its a friendship.

Family

I sat around a table tonight with some amazing people. We ate and laughed, caught up on your days and lives and prayed for those who were not with us. I know these people. I know what they do, where they live, how they make money, their hopes and dreams, fears and worries, even their weaknesses. See, sitting around this table is my family.

No, we are not related, nor married, nor sisters and brothers, we are a family united in Christ. We have chosen to adopt each other as brothers and sisters. We trust one another, confide in one another and speak truth to one another.

We are not a Bible study, small group, community group, we are a family. We choose to do life together, all of it. Not just the good, but fighting alongside one another through the bad as well. We have our ups and downs, our disagreements, our good and bad days, but we do it together.

I had not been around this table in a number of weeks. I had let work and life get in the way of my family. I let stress and exhaustion win out over being present for the people that have consistently cared for me. I withdrew in a time of need instead of drawing closer to those who comfort me. I have been wondering why I was so off as of late and the longer I sat there the more I realized I had been focusing too much on the wrong things.

I find joy in others. I thrive off the energy of people. I cannot do it alone.

Wordless Wednesday

Its Ok to Cry

this face

So work has been stressful as of late, as in the kind where you have so much going on you think your head might explode, but you know its good because you're busy and one minute its 8am and the next 5:16pm... yeah that stress. Or the kind where the house you bought becomes a living nightmare of constant repair and a drain on your wallet, but you keep telling yourself its a good investment, kind of stress. Or the kind where you look down at your sweet sleeping, dreaming pup and remember how your ex used to talk to her like she was a human and a huge tear rolls down your face which turns into buckets and huge throat clenching sobs, kind of stress.

And those tears and sobs turn into questions, and the questions turn into prayers and at some point you fall asleep and wake up to a new day, the sun creeping over the horizon and that sweet puppy face inches from you and realize those tears were not in vain, the fears not unheard and the prayers not unanswered. And much like the rains of April usher in May's blooms, the tears will wash away your fears and stress and angst and make way for a new season of your life.

Yes, its ok to cry.

5 on Friday

Ok, Jessica, you asked what had been up with me? So here are the 5 things I have been up to!

1. Work - as in knee-deep in it. I am like, cornered into my desk via work. But... its a good thing! Work, mean the economy is good ( or people are suing each other) and I am productive! Blessed be the woman who has a job!

2. My nephew is in town and I got to hang out with him... twice! Once at a TCU baseball game with my brother, and then he spent some time in Aunt Lynn's office while my brother had to run an errands. Best lil paralegal ever!

3.  Fixing my house! What's new though, right? I have finally sealed the crawl space, heating element is getting replaced, foundation is being fixed Monday, and we had a light installed in the attic! I  have some big news on this front coming soon, promise.

4. Hair - I needed a change.... but.... I knew I wasn't ready to hack it all off yet. so I did a lil color change. No, not as drastic as December 2012, but  a la ombre-ish. Its my natural blonde on top and then my grown out highlights on bottom with a touch of high light by my face. Hard to tell here, but promise its big change.

5. Babies, weddings, people getting all grown up. I have had so many friend have their babies, about to have their babies, announce they are pregnant... and some that are getting married oh so soon! Yay Jenn! and My lovely friend Sarah! So I am in the jealous, when do I get to get knocked up or get the big ring state... but until then I will pour my heart and soul into my furbabies and someone special.

Take Me Out

to the ballgame... yeah I was hoping you sang along. And that is exactly what I did last night. Honestly, I had a hellacious day that included tracking down a check and hoping I wasn't hiking my butt to BFE for a hearing. Well, no hearing and a reward cookie later, I was knee-deep in more work and feeling kind of worn-out, b!tchy and just wanting to crawl in bed.

Cue cutest nugget of a 5 year old ever.... and off to the TCU baseball game we went. Yes it was cold, yes we were bundled up, but yes we had nachos, popcorn and saw Super Frog. Oh, and became a shy guy when we saw the cute "sheerleaders." Well, I admit hanging with my nephew and my brother made me forget about the day's events and put an absolute smile on my face.

that face... I die!

We made it through 5 innings and then we were just too cold (ok so my brother and I were just too cold). I headed home and then to the gym for a grueling great chest & tri workout with my fav trainer Sam (he will kill me one day a la barbell). Then as if on-cue I was asleep by 10:16 pm.

So, if you are ever having a bad day or a case of the Mondays, grab your closest toddler, and hug it out (or each nachos, pretty sure they helped).

Finding the In Between

I have been in a major funk. Between the weather's bi-polar tendencies and the fact that I have no major vacation planned until May, I think I am just antsy.

I am also in between. I am divorced, but not married. I am 31 and want to be a mom, but I am not. I am an attorney, but not experienced enough to run my own show completely, but know enough to get frustrated. My house is getting fixed, but not fixed.... you get the point.

So, I am working on being content in the "In Between," You know those times when there is no drama, huge life change, rough patch, but yet no huge thing to plan for, or look forward to. Its the everyday life. The ho-hum of getting up each day and heading off the my office to do the routineness that is lawyering. Where I know what each day will bring, and find some comfort in it, yet I long for something new, exciting, fresh or some tragedy that I can now put my energy into.

I guess this is the point in life where I need to look around, feel blessed for all the great things that I have, all the experiences I have gone through, and look forward to what the future holds.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

 

And.... its Shrove Tuesday ya'll aka Fat Tuesday aka National Pancake Day at IHop so get your free short stack!

Monday Blues

Its Monday. I was hoping praying wishing the office would be closed only because its so cold and the thought of curling up with pups sounded way better than pantyhose and the office. But alas, no I am here, pantyhose and all. But this weekend, well Texas showed its true bi-polarity.

yes, 80 and laying out Saturday in my backyard, to bundled up and 20 Sunday. Yup, that's it. I was either napping in the sun or napping on the couch with some work in between. So, if you  need me I'll be knee-deep in thoughts of warmth, discovery and Oh, that it will be 70 here Friday. Nice Texas weather. Nice.