Boo

Happy Halloween, Boo day to all!

This is My Life

I had a great post all lined up today with some exciting news, but the other website I need is not up and working yet, so I bring you this is my life, critter edition. DISCLAIMER: If you do not like gross things do not loo below.

AS you know I have been on the rodent rampage for well over a month and half. I have expended dollar upon dollar, nights of no sleep and lots of sightings. I have caught one and Monday night literally was face to face with the thing twice with no luck. I am exhausted, disgusted and just ready to pack up and move. Well then about 12:40 last night I heard some noise. I jumped up and ran to the kitchen hoping to see one caught mouse drowning in the trap le guy concocted. No such luck, nope there it was crouching in the corner of the kitchen.

I quickly grabbed  glue board and decided I could slide it under it and then hope it would be stuck. I did. It moved... I screamed, and jumped and squirmed. It was partially attached. I knew I needed to get it. So I grabbed the "ramp" from the water trap and bravely went where no woman wants to go... I took that ramp and pushed it nasty lil head into the glue. Oh it squealed. I yelled at it. Yes, I know it doesn't care, but its all I could think of and it seemed to keep it stunned.

I snapped a photo, total blogger moment and evidence for my exterminator and phoned a friend to come and dispose of my specimen.

10 minutes later he arrived to me, in my kitchen, in my pj's with a wooden stick screaming at a rodent. I was quite the sight.

He quickly bagged and disposed of the lovely creature and all was right in the world. Well, at least for the rest of the night....

Ok, avert your eyes if you can't handle this:



water trap built by friend (oh engineers)

lil sucker hiding in corner



yeah I know its no Fivel or Mickey

This Really Happened

One of the things I do for myself once a month (or when I have time) it get a massage. Its relaxes me, relieves tension, ya know its supposed to be quiet and you leave feeling all refreshed. I go to the same girl and I love her. So, Sunday when I showed up at noon and they told me she was sick, I was a little upset, but I had not been in a month and really needed this one so I took their replacement girl.

Things started off nice, she quickly found the ginormous knots in my back and shoulders and was really getting in there, and then she asked me what  I did. This inevitable happens when they realize I have HUGE knots in my back and hold all my stress in there. I told her I was an attorney and did civil work and thought ok then back to the quiet. And then she began to talk.

I hate a talking massage therapist. Ask me if the pressure is good, or if I am hot or cold, but I do not need to be engaged in conversation, this is not my nail place or the hair salon! But talk she did. And oh what I learned. It began innocently enough with her telling me her husband was familiar with law enforcement and the court system. Cop I figured. NO, no ladies, he is familiar because he is a criminal.

Yes for the next 80 minutes, 80! She told me about her husband's criminal past and brush with the court and penal system. How he shot a drug dealer in the leg because he owed him money. Oh and yes she did need to tell me it was in a "titty bar." Kid you not... she said those words during my message. I heard about his time in county lockup and his second offense for possession of a controlled substance. But perhaps the best part of this whole story was her recount of his time in the state penitentiary. She told me how he watched a guard have her throat slit from ear to ear, and about the psych evaluations that her husband received. Yes, this lovely therapist told me how her husband went in for a required psych evaluation and came out with a happy ending (though she was much more graphic than I was). Now, now ironically works for some company that refurbishes cop cars.

The whole time I am laying there, half-dressed nodding and  saying oh yeah?, umm hum, ok. I swear I felt like I was in some sort of TV show and Ashton was about to pop and out and say PUNK'D!. As I got up from the table I had no clue what to do. Do I tell management? Do I let it go? Do I tip her? And then I kept thinking, who tells someone all this and why me? Does my profession somehow warrant her to feel ok to tell me about her life story? So much for my relaxing 90 minutes, but hey I guess I know what they say about prison is true.

Have anything strange like this ever happened to you?

Monday Musings

Another weekend has come and gone. My weekend went something like this:

 

Friday night movies & sleeping puppy dogs

 

 

 Saturday: Raining TCU/UT game... let's just say the wrong horns won...

 

Sunday morning workout, church and desecration of my living room rug by one small, brown furry child who will remain nameless

 

And my Sunday ended with a rousing trip to Lowe's to acquire wire mesh, steel wool, foam and masonry nails... ya know so we can trap the critter inside my house and then attack them...

 

Happy Monday y'all!

Happies & Crappies

  Its Friday, thank ya Jesus! Time for a little happies & crappies with Stephanie and Amber!  

Happies

• TCU/UT football this weekend and a night game, finally!
• I started going to yoga again
• Got to hang out with two of fav people last night at an alumni event, drink beer (ok I watched them drink beer) and then have yummo dinner with le guy
• I enjoyed two pumpernickel bagels with pumpkin smear this week thank you very much
• Sunday I am treating myself to a massage before I have some pageant business to attend to
• I had a huge realization after RG Tuesday about letting go and forgiveness and desires and let me tell you... freeing experience! Can I get an Amen?!

Crappies

• I still have critters in my home.... they like to play at night... its not fun... I have an arsenal though to hopefully remove them
• I will be making an uber trip to Home Depot this weekend to seal all the potential entry points
• morning dew. yes I said it... that let's gets the grass just enough wet that it makes mud and the pup run around in it and then bring it in and onto the bed.... yeah umm not happy
• my ipod died... yes people, dead as a doornail... just crapped out on me at the gym Monday morning and those nano's are not cheap!

   

I'm Alright

Has anyone else heard this Jo Dee Messina song? If not, well ya should because its quite wonderful. And so am I! Yup, I mean other than a broken hot water heater, mice dancing around my laundry room and walls during the night and the occasional muddy-footed pup terrorizing my home (and white bedspread, who thought that was smart?) I am doing pretty good.

This realization came in a text yesterday. I left work and pretty much sped to yoga. Yup, I decided there was some much needed hot yoga in my future. I got out of class and saw a text from my wonderful friend K. She asked how RG group went and honestly I had to say good. It got me thinking that I am doing pretty ok these days. Sure, I have my moments from time to time (i.e. last week when I called M in a mice-induced fright), and work is busy (which is a good thing), but all in all things are looking up.

Its amazing at what happens when you stop focusing on the negative and look towards the future. I am continually amazed at the grace and power of God and His ability to heel all wounds. I am also quite amazed at myself. I had a small come to Jesus meeting with myself and it kinda did the trick. I realized I has been so focused on all the bad in my life, past, present and future, that I was being obsessed with it. I was so caught up in worry I could not see the amazing things He has been doing in my life. I had been asking Him all the wrong questions and expecting all the wrong actions.

So this is my lesson learned. I know I have so slacked on the 31 Days of Lessons. But, oh well, no one is going to die if I don't post it, there are no repercussions and its OK to not be perfect. Let Him work in your life and good things will come, I promise.

In other news: I am uber stocked for the TCU/UT game this weekend and I have some exciting news to share with you all soon. OK so two exciting things...

Have a blessed Thursday!

What's Cookin Wednesday

I am so excited to link up with Jenn today to share this awesome recipe with you all! I have been on the cooking and baking mood as of late and well what more could you want this time of year than pumpkin anything! Here is my healthier twist on pumpkin bread!

 

What You Need:

 

- 3.5 cups flour ( I used spelt, but plain ole All-Purpose will work)

- 1.5 teaspoons salt

- 2 teaspoons baking soda

- 3 cups sugar ( I used Splenda for a sugar-free option)

- 1 teaspoon nutmeg

- 1 teaspoon cinnamon

- 1 can (16 oz) pumpkin

- 1 cup unsweetened applesauce for lower fat (or 1 cup oil)

- 1/3 - 2/3 cup water

- 4 eggs

 

 - 2/3 cup chocolate morsels

 

What You Do:

 

1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees. (I did 325 on my convection oven)

 

2) Grease 2 loaf pans (or you will have one giant loaf)

 

3) Combine dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl until combined.

 

4) Add remaining wet ingredients and mix until well blended. (I beat the eggs separately first and then added them). *start with 1/3 cup water to see how wet/dry your batter is, add a lil more if you feel like the batter is too dry

 

5) Fold in the chocolate chips

6) Place batter in prepared pans (approximately half full) and bake for 1 hour. 

 

Voila! Enjoy the smell and taste of pumpkin and chocolate!

Up and At 'Em

I decided to start my morning workouts again. Yup, those 5am workouts Monday and Thursday that totally help my day start and allow me time in the evening to recoup. I know some of you think its crazy to do this and can't fathom how I function by 3pm, but your body gets used to it and then you just feel good.

When I moved back to the Fort I kept working out in the am and then realized I could sleep later and do it in the pm... Lovely I though more sleep! Argh. I then remembered the gym mob that occurs in the evenings, especially Monday evenings. I trudged through anyway because well I liked that sleeping til 6:09 am. But I noticed I was irritable in the evenings and never saw my house or pups. So, back on the morning train!

I admit it was hard to get to the gym yesterday at 530 am, but man I was relived to go home and just be at home all evening. I kept looking at my clock thinking it was later and realized it was only 7pm! So... I did what all women do in the evenings.. bake! I whipped up a little chocolate chip pumpkin bread! I also managed to spread flour everywhere and get pumpkin in my hair at one point, but the end result, pure yummy goodness in the form of spicy chocolaty goodness. I would show your pictures, but I forgot, what's new?

Even after the bread was done I had time to clean up, relax and enjoy a piece! I am so glad I decided to get back into the early morning swing of things and take back my evenings! Now I just wish the gym had the same great kickboxing class my old one did... perhaps its back to yoga? Happy Tuesday!

*in critter news... where there is one there are 5-8 (according to a friend who has taken to googling about my critters and their "habits.") aka I saw another one, thank goodness my exterminator is coming this week!

Critter Conquest

If you read my post Friday, you know will know I have been harboring a fugitive in my home for the better part of a month and a half. This small, rodent creature, which I thought was a rat yes rat... is now in a better place. My little friend saw his demise last night at midnight. But let me take you back....

Friday I had a pretty good day at work and left a lil early to head to an appointment. When I got home I was pooped! But.... one our my friends is leaving Ft Worth, so we headed out to celebrate his time left with us before he heads to Tulsa. Watch out ladies, The epic Ft Worth ladies' man is Tulsa-bound! Saturday morning I headed to the church office's early for a wonderful day of learning about the commercial sex industry in Fort Worth.

Yeah, I know I just said wonderful and commercial sex industry in the same sentence. There is a wonderful organization in Fort Worth called The Net FW. The Net is a nonprofit in Fort Worth that exists to empower the city to restore dignity to those in poverty through community & relationships. Our goal is to see the people we serve walk in freedom and joy as whole individuals. They also have an awesome outreach called Purchased, which addressed the commercial sex industry and helping women out of it. Their goal is not to aid these women, but show them true friendship without string attached or the need to manipulate people to get what they want. Volunteers serve as advocates for these women as they reshape their lives when the decide to leave the life. I encourage you to visit their site to learn more. This is a cause near and dear to my heart as it goes hand in hand with my other passion of speaking and being an advocate for victims of domestic violence. Remember, October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Speak up, speak out, end the cycle.

gelato pre movie

Saturday night I went to a movie. Yes, a movie... Ok, so I may have fallen asleep during said movie,  but to my defense it started at 9pm and I was pooped... and those chair are so comfy. Anywho. When I returned home it was time to stage an all-out critter attach. I was armed with poison,   glue boards, and these gnarly claw traps I was given by CT & F. Everytime I heard that thing I would pop out of bed and run to the kitchen in hopes of catching it. Nothing. I was convinced it ate poison or would get caught on the glue board,  but no this was one smart mouse. Oh, did I mention when I returned home from the move that little thing had the audacity to run across my kitchen floor 2 inches from me? I screamed and ran a million miles (which is what led to the all-out attack).

Needless to say, Sunday I was tired from all night mousecapades. I laid in bed til 9! 9! Made some grub and laid around some more. It was a glorious Sunday rest that I needed so much. So much that I pretty much bummed around all day. I mean I hit the gym, but then staged a championship sleeping game with the girls. Sophie won. She is a good sleeper.

so cute

My weekend ended with some chicken chili made via Jenn's recipe. And some TV. Then I staged my assault again.

And that is where we left off. So... around 11:50 I was woken up from my slumber but the sound of flailing rodent. It was stuck to the glueboard. I screamed as I watched it wiggle and move and I was afraid it would escape. I opted to phone a friend who told me to put something over it and they would be over to retrieve it. So this is what I did.

Yes, that is a bowl and weight. About 15 minutes later little Mickey made his cross to the other side via a shovel and a plastic bag. Yeah sue me Pita I don't care... that thing needed to be OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend and had some rest, I know I did after the great critter conquest.

There Are No Words

Well, there are words because I am typing them, but honestly I am a little remiss to write. Between the work day that had my crying one minute to laughing hysterically with my paralegal, I am exhausted. I have so many emotions bottled up and I would love to just blurt them all out and vent and share with you guys, but this is perhaps not the best forum for some of my emoting.

 

I can tell you, however, that the critter, yes that one, the one that has been haunting my life made its first official, as in I actually saw it, appearance last night. I was sitting there watching Grey's via DVR when I looked over, and saw I scurry up the door to my laundry room. Yup, you heard me climb right up the door.

 

I, needless to say, freaked. This thing has been terrorizing my life for over a month. I have paid some critter guy $539 to do nothing. My exterminator does not come til next week and I have been living with a rodent that eats my food and my dogs' food and generally keeps me up at night. So, what did I do? Burst into tears. Yup, just sat on the couch and cried. I am beyond disgusted, frustrated and just at my wit's end on this one.

 

I also managed to turn into a complete B about 3 minutes later as I stormed out of my house headed to Wally World to buy whatever I could find. Yup, I drove to the Wal-Mart across town that scares me to death and the air outside always has a scent of weed in it to buy stuff. I was frustrated.  And in that moment of frustration and utter exhaustion, I called M. I cried to him. (Hindsight, take his number out of my phone.) I panicked. I was mad and upset. I called another friend who calmed me down and walked me through the rodent killing options. I decided on one of everything.

 

I was reminded of the wonderfulness that is Wal-Mart at 11pm though at the checkout when I saw a lady screaming her debit card pin at her kid, another lady's showing full plumber's crack and then there was me. I had poison, glue traps and this thing you plug in that emits a high frequency sound and eggs. Yes I was out of eggs might as well grab some.

 

I returned home to plot my attack. I laid out the poison, plugged in the things and set the glue board. Only to hear it eating the 4 morsels of kibble the pups left in their bowls 5 minutes later. I got up, removed the dog bowls and set poison right there. (don't worry the girls were safely locked in my room so they could not ingest anything).

 

I have had it! If anyone can please tell me how to rid my house of this unwelcomed guest I would greatly appreciate it.

Day 18: I know I have not been good at keeping up with this but here we go. This past year has taught me that I want to be taken care of. I want to be held, told its ok, have things fixed for me, done for me, someone else to say don't worry Ill take care of it. I have been so independent my whole life and feel like I can't let anyone do better than me (its a control thing), but I need this. I need to come home and just be taken care of sometimes. Dinner on the table, bubble bath, wine, flowers, my favorite girly movie, anything. Obviously I know these things are not going to happen since I live alone and the dogs can't cook, but I want them, I need them and its OK. I do not have to constantly be strong, seem strong and take on the world.

Good Enough

Ever have one of those days at work where you look up and its 2:08 and you have accomplished diddly squat? I mean Yes I have billed 7 hours today.... Eh, umm, er no. Today (which is yesterday) I have wandered through the day, meandering in and out of thoughts and emotions.

I was angry this morning and then depressed, followed by stressed, annoyed and now just flat out exhausted. My head is spinning. The resounding voice says, "you are not good enough." What does it mean though? Good enough for....

Truth is, I don't feel good enough. I don't feel like a good enough lawyer when I don't bill for every second I am in the office. I often feel inadequate when it comes to family life and not being a good enough daughter, sister, niece, etc... I don't feel good enough for certain groups of people. I never felt good enough for M and I find myself wondering if I will be good enough for le guy. And to top it off, I don't feel like a good enough Christian.

I walk around feeling like I am supposed to do this or that or feel like this or experience that. I try so hard to fulfill everyone's expectations of me whether its at work, home or church. Pleasing people and trying to head advice, and warning. Be leery of this and go slow and give yourself time. Work harder, bill more hours, stay young and in shape. Love your neighbors, bake cookies, host parties, remember birthdays and get good gifts, and on and on and on... you get the point?

In the past year I have radically changed my life. I have gone from self-loathing and depresses to alive, awake and pursuing my hopes and dreams. But I have also continued to stay in the place of trying to do what everyone expects of me. As one friend asked me, "when was the last time I just had fun? not planned, just said 'eff it' and did what I wanted to do" I couldn't answer. I don't do things just for me. I do them because its expected, or right or Christian or out of obligation. I am rules kind of girl and often let societal "norms" dictate my life. I work hard because its what you should do, and I workout because being overweight or fat is not acceptable (yeah I know dumb, but when I decided to compete in Miss Texas again and lost 20 pounds amazing how M tended to like me more). I find myself going to RG or church because its what I should be doing to grow closer to the Lord.

But the truth? Sometimes I just don't want to do anything. I want to slough off at work, skip church and stay in bed, drink too much, eat too much and have relations with men! (pg-13 kind of blog here).

Will I? No. I will refrain from drinking, watch what I eat and maintain decorum. I will go to church and continue to pursue Him and let him pursue me. I will work long hours and stressful cases, I will make appearances and keep up my bubbly personality just so I can be good enough.

Lawyering is Like Being a Mom

I haven't written about my work like in quite some time. Honestly, its because I have been overloaded with boring letter writing and depo summarizing and well I don't think any of you would find those the least bit exciting or blogworthy... However, I come to you today with the story of the needy client.

I handhold, wipe their noses, tell them its ok, give them advice, and answer EVERY question they have, even when they ask it 12 times and then answer every, "why" that comes after it. I coddle them at times and let them spread their wings other, knowing full-well they will return to my nest in need of mothering. I am their teacher, homework checker and the one who constantly reminds them when this or that is due and past due and now waaaayyy past due. I field calls from their exes, upset friends and irate parents and teachers. I clean up the messes I didn't make and do it with a smile. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, lawyering is like being a mom.

I am emotionally invested in their cases and lives--when they are down, I am down and out. Like my mom used to tell me, I may not always like you, but I will always love you. My clients are my life, they are why I do what I do... but that doesn't mean I always have to like them.

My Crazy Thoughts

This may come as a surprise to you, or maybe it doesn't, but I tend to have the weirdest thoughts. Like all-out panic thoughts about things that require no worry at all.

1. Someone will attack me at night - yes I tend to wake up to ever noise (critter or not) thinking someone is invading my home. Its especially weird when my sound machine mysteriously turns off at night... total freak out

2. People are mad at me - I probably ask le guy and others if they are mad at me like a zillion times a day. Its like  I have an innate fear that I am constantly pissing people off.

3. Chloe hates me - Ever since I moved out of "our" house and took Chloe with me, I think she hates me. I also think she resents me bringing Sophie into the house. She just looks at me and is like, u.. when is dad coming home?

4. Not eating one cookie, one latte, one piece of candy will miraculously make me skinnier. Like if I can just thwart one thing, I will drop 5 pounds in a hot second. So, when I "need" that sweet, I feel like I am doomed and I just go overboard.

5. I constantly disappoint people - Like I walk around feeling like no matter what I have upset someone, disappointed someone, and I must perfect. Like this one drives me mad. Hello insecurity.


Maybe they are not weird to you, but to me, I feel crazy when I have these thoughts. Tack on the crazy episode I had last week with le guy about how my life took a turn for the crazy at 30 and now I am 31 and would like to get things back on track so here is my ideal timeline, crazy.

What random thoughts do you have?

and I know I have been bad on my 31 days posts... but here is today's episode of 31 Lessons.

Day 15: Only you know when you're ready. Ready for anything. Ready to move out, move on, tell people, go out, love again. People will give you advice, their timeline, tell you to do this or that or wait or you need to be doing x, y, z.... You know when its ok for you to do anything, listen to yourself and don't be afraid to follow that instinct.

Welcoming 31

Well, over the weekend, yesterday to be exact, I hurdled the 30 mark and turned (gulp) 31.... As much as I was dreading it, I just embraced it.... kinda, sorta, maybe I pouted a little Sunday. Anywho, my weekend when a little like this:

Friday: Spent the day at an insurance law CLE... boring? learned some interesting things. Then I had dinner with V&D at Waters in Fort Worth. We dined on  an assortment of lovely seafood and champagne to wash to down. Followed by yummy break pudding.

 

Saturday: I was Up waaaaay early to rehearse for TCU Homecoming. Its the one time a year I break out the batons and relive my glory days. But, with an 11am game time, practice came early at 7am. The game, we won, the twirling went well, and all in all, I had a nice time seeing friends and even my high school calculus teacher (her daughter is a sophomore at TCU).












After the game, it was much needed nap time and nap I did. Drool and all... That evening CT and her hubs hosted a small birthday shindig for me to the tune of fajitas, and games! Fun was had by all. WE then headed out on the town. A few bars, one close call of a football game and some laughs later, I was home in bed by 12:30... party pooper? I don't care.

Sunday: I woke up to a fabulous breakfast of all my favs: pumpkin pancakes, turkey bacon, coffee, fruit, English muffins with pumpkin cream cheese... umm yes someone spoiled me ;)! I then headed to church for a wonderful sermon. Hit then gym and then, well had a small breakdown on the phone to my mom. Yes, I admit, I was tired, not taking the 31 thing ok and just wanted to sleep. A shower and a nap later and I decided all I wanted that evening was quiet time with the pups and le guy and pizza. So, that is what I got. Picked up some Pie 5, and some pumpkin cheesecake from Central Market and watched the Cowboys. Perfect? Yes. I am also the owner of a new Kindle Paperwhite. If you know me, and my reading obsession, you know how psyched I am. Love my ipad, but not for reading, its like voluntarily burning my retinas.  I also scored a new phone case and Rangers tee from my bro, super cute earrings from this girl, and lots of loving texts, cards and phone calls.

I will say its a success... even if I'm not really ready to be a 30-something.

Happy Monday y'all.

Falling

So, my birthday is Sunday... yup 31 is coming and quickly.... I have decided I will embrace this age and ya know what? 31 is the new 25.... (right?) So, in thinking about the bid cake eating day here are a few things I would buy myself, if I could.... (i'm on a shopping hiatus until le credit card is paid off from home things).

1. This outfit - digging the suede booties, I am lusting after the ones Jessica wore on our blate and I want a good oversized sweater jacket.

fall by lynn-alexander featuring cropped cuffed jeans

 

 

2.  This purse

 

3.  A monogram necklace

4. Cheesecake

Guess What Day it Is?

Yup, so its Hump Day... which  means its mid-week, that day in between Tuesday and Thursday where you just want it to be the weekend, yet you have so much to do before then... Yup, Wednesday. However, I am not dreading today. Nope, not at all... because life is good. Yup, good, ok, well better than good its great.

Seems crazy for me to say, er type that. For most of my life I have worried, fretted, had some sort of chip or grudge or problem to handle. But right now, life is good and I am happy.

I know that life is not perfect, nor exactly as I planned, but its life. I have a house to live in; a job to provide; I am surrounded by the most loving friends and family; my walk with Christ surprises and challenges me at every turn; and le guy, well he may be a keeper y'all. Sure, I have my moments: I worry, fret and overthink, but all-in-all I am blessed.

Day 9 of Lessons: Take time to count your blessings. I know I get so caught up in the stress and worry of life that I tend to forget how blessed I am. And then things like last night happened. I got home from RG and saw a car parked in front of my house and someone sitting there. I was a lil freaked out and then I saw her. There sat CT. She was just waiting for me to come home to check on me. My heart was filled with warmth and I could not help but smile. To have friends like this that support me and truly love me, is beyond fathomable sometimes. Count your blessings because life it too short to worry.

Worried to Death

Have you ever rolled your yes at someone when they say, "stop worrying yourself to death?" Yeah, I just raised my hand and denoted myself captain of the worry club. I can worry you under the table my friends, hands down, eyes closed.

 

However, this worry will be the death of me or rather lots of other things in my life. I worry about work and it tends to induce a stress ball of fun who ends up crying in her office. I worry I am not perfect enough, or Christian enough (which induced me literally running from group last Tuesday and crying in the hall, as in all out toddler-type years of frustration and exhaustion), and I worry I will end up alone and childless with 20 cats.

 

This worry reared it ugly head last night. I am returning to RG tonight and worry what the others will think of me after my tantrum of sorts. I am embarrassed and loathing their stairs. I know they love me and care about me, but its never easy to look at people in the eye when you feel shame yourself. I also managed to worry myself into an awkward conversation with le guy. (Yes P!inky I am quasi-stealing your name). So we sat on the couch watching a random assortment of TV shows and talking and I did it. I worried myself into a tizzy of awkward, hair-twirling, fidgeting hands death. My head was saying don't say it, don't go there you baby-crazy, garbage toting, ball of a mess of a woman who needs to just shut your pie-hole and let life take its course. (yeah cause that works so well with me). I felt like my mouth was moving, and I could not stop it. I just laid all my life's worry right out there (even the stuff that I feel like you just don't tell people, unless its your best friend who already knows you're crazy). I felt like I was that woman who sits on the first date and says "Hi, my name is Lynn and I would like to be married, have a kids and boat, a pony, a house with a pool... oh and I would like to know exactly when you be putting said imaginary ring on my finger and such because if that's not in your plan, eh let's say in the next year, I'll be moving on now." Yup, I totally pretty much did it. (ok, so it wasn't that bad, but man it felt like it).

As I laid in bed last night, I got to thinking about why I am this way. I hate unexpected, unplanned, chaotic life. I have been there, done that, have multiple postcards and emotional scars. I want to know. Yup, know. I would rather you tell me hey, not gong to happen then drag me along. Its like the guy I went on multiple dates with who suddenly stopped calling and returning my texts. Hey dude, that's fine if you don't want to see me, but just let a girl know why. (random I totally saw this guy at the tailgate I was at two weeks ago and it was totes awkward/funny all at the same time).

 

I just don't know how much more uncertainty I can handle. Its like if someone would just show me my life timeline I would be ok. Just let me know its going to happen. Like, not even hard dates, but just a general, here is what will happen in the next year of your life. I know I have to be patient and wait and see and have faith, but man, I have experienced so much turmoil I just want to know there is a light at the end of my tunnel of life.

 

Poor le guy.... he had no clue what he was in for by agreeing to hang out with me last night.

 

 

Which leads me to my 31 days of Lessons: Don't be afraid to know what you want. This time around, at least I know what I want and I am somewhat not afraid to let potential suitors know (for better or worse). I'm resigned to the fact that I will be 31 on Sunday and I am not getting any younger. I'm not going to waste time chasing that which will never be in line with my wants/needs.  It's ok to want to be a wife and mom (yup I just said that).

 

 

I'll Fly Away

So, what happens when you have been working way too much and decide you need a getaway? Well, if you're me, you fly to Georgia, and drive to the wilderness for a weekend away... oh and you plan a wonderful blate!

This is also my lesson #7: take time for yourself, plan a trip, get away, do something you don't normally do, like... plane a trip to the middle of nowhere Georgia and see friends!

So, Thursday afternoon I boarded a plane for Atlanta. Just as I was about to take off my best friend from elementary school saw my check-in at the airport for Atlanta and she was like umm I live 20 minutes from there... I was like umm whoa... so I texted when I landed and low and behold, 30 minutes later I was in her house seeing for the first time since we were 14.

Kristin and I were in the 1st and 2nd grade together. She moved to Florida in the middle of 2nd grade and the saga of the letters began. We wrote letters to each other over the course of the next 7 years. Like handwritten, Lisa Frank stationary letters. We had a rule: once you got a letter you had 2 weeks to send another one. We wrote and wrote and wrote. We sent gifts talked on the phone occasionally, and then Christmas of the 9th grade I went to visit her in Florida. We lost touch a little in college and such, but Facebook helped! We reconnected and so there I sat talking to her and seeing her little ones. It was marvelous! What a way to start my trip.

Gorgeous woman inside and out!

I then headed on to my hotel. I was staying at the Lodge & Spa at Callaway Gardens in Pine Mountain, GA. Everyone should go. Its so peaceful and relaxing.

Friday morning I woke up and headed in McDonough to meet miss Jessica who blogs at The Newly. I have been awaiting this! Jessica and I have been "friends" for a couple years now and I just love following her and have enjoyed watching her grow in her marriage and now as a mother.We have just connected. So when that blonde-haired beauty walked in her with baby boy Caleb. We gabbed for hours! It was like we were old friends just chatting over pizza! It was hard to see her go, but it was wonderful. I cannot wait til next time and perhaps if her B gets into the program in Texas... we may just be seeing more of each other!

Saturday I hit up the gardens for a lil hiking and sightseeing before hitting up the spa. Callaway Gardens is miles and miles and acres of gorgeous flora and fauna.  I'll let the pictures do the talking.

gorgeous chapel in the middle of the gardens... future wedding site?

birds of prey show

SEC topiaries

frogs who hung out outside my room

The gardens were peaceful and gorgeous and just what I needed to relax and connect with nature. I then high-tailed it to the spa for a message and some steam.

Sunday I dreaded going home, but I went into Atlanta and hit up the World of Coca-Cola.

And how did my wonderful weekend end? I came home to wonderful fall pumpkins to adorn my porch from my sweet friend and neighbor CT!! It was just what I needed! I got to see two wonderful friends and just could not be more relaxed and refreshed. How was your weekend?