And I'm also Thankful For

    Yup, linky-lou with the fab Amber and tell us what you are also thankful for, yup those things that seem so blasé...   1) LASIK - Yup, did it! I can see. Oh joyous day! and why we are on that... 2) Valium and the sleeping pill - pretty sure I was a hoot and le guy got a good laugh at my expense 3) Loft, J. Crew. Banana, ya know stores that carry clothes  I love and have great sales 4) My puppies - as much as they can be holy terrors, they are just my loves 5) Coffee - it gets me going and just feels so good going down. 6) Cookies - as in the ones from Sweet Sammies that come with ice cream in the middle and are amazing 7) That le guy likes to eat... and eat food I like. 8) The gym and yoga and that I can afford a membership to the gym 9) My lovely housekeeper. Yup, woman is awesome, and well take a ton of stress off me even if its only every other week. Nothing makes a busy lawyer feel better than coming home to pinesol and clean sheets. 10) My cell phone. Yeah, necessary evil.   What else are you thankful for?    

Not Before 8:45 am

I get to work by 7:30 am every morning. My office has about three other people here at that time, my boss, our managing partner and one other associate. I walked in this morning in a huff, holding a purse, gloves on and coffee searching for my keys. And I can see the associate standing there. I finally fish out my keys and open the door and he looks at me and taps his watch. I'm all like, seriously woman-huff, its 7:35! In my head I know he's joking, but there is that tiny part of me that is just a little perturbed... Why? Well, Mr. Associate told me. The exchange went something like this:

Me "Well I stood there trying to open the door for like 10 minutes"

Him "Oh, I forget, I can't joke with you before 8:45 am"

Me "What?" coupled with dumbfounded look on my face.

Him "I think it's because women's estrogen levels are low in the morning"

Me "Huh?"

Him "Yeah, I mean my girlfriend is the same way. Women's levels are low in the morning and then build throughout the day. Men's testosterone levels are high in the morning and plummet all day."

Me "Well, except when you see a woman."

Him "Yup, ying and yang."

Man I love him. Everyone has their office husband, well he is my office brother. Seriously he makes my days so much better, brings much-needed comic relief, and has taught me that its ok to have a drink and let my hair down.

But I digress, from today's regularly-scheduled post. This is the last day you will see this face.

NO, no I am not disappearing from blogland. But those glasses are. Yup, today at 2pm I will undergo Lasik! No more glasses, contacts, waking up in the middle of the night scared to death someone is in my room and I cannot see them.... yeah I totally do that... but you get the picture. After today, I will have perfect vision! I am so excited and thankful for this wonderful opportunity! 2014 is starting too look pretty bright!

Tune in tomorrow for a wonderful link-up with the gorgeous Amber and her friend Heather for

Baby Its Cold Outside

So I mentioned Friday that I loved winter and guess what? It arrived at my doorstop this weekend. It was wet, cold, windy and well just wonderful. I would love to recap all the lovely things I did, but I didn't.

I mean, I co-hosted a baby shower for one of my co-workers Friday night, but then it was couch, and Netflix or couch and napping. My lil 1926 built house just has no insulation and well, folks, its 50 shades of freezing. The puppies won't even walk on the tile floors. Brr, that's cold. So this is what my weekend looked like:

quick trip to the groomer...

We are ready for the short week and Thanksgiving!!! I shall indulge in waffles, shrimp, shrimp, dessert... Yes I know, sounds a tad untraditional, but I will explain more later. AND... I have exciting news! Tune in tomorrow to hear about it. Stay warm friends.

Thankful Friday 5

I have jumped on the bandwagon and decided to let you know 5 things I thankful for this Friday:

1) My furbabies!! Yes, these two lil girls are my world. As much as they can annoy the every living who-ha out of me sometimes, they are loving, kind and just well ya know make my day.

2) My patchwork quilt of a family. I am super, way beyond blessed to be loved by so many people who well, don't have to. Between V&D, Aunt K, my church folk, my "sister" Tay, Law school Tay, my BFF from high school and BOFF, and a hoard of other people, my family is just one giant patchwork quilt of love and support.

3) Baton Twirling: Ya, I know seems strange, but twirling not only taught me so many lessons in life, it brought so many  of the people I love into my life as well (i.e. V). The sport of baton twirling truly prepare young men and women for life beyond their competitive days. NBTA is a huge family and strives to getter better each year. So, hug a baton twirler, ask your high school band director to let a twirler take the field and cheer on those collegiate twirler every Saturday.

4) Winter: Yup, I am in love with Winter. It brings a smile to my face, a twinkle to my eye and puts love in my heart.

5) 2013: As much as this year has brought trial and tribulation, it has also brought me into a place I wasn't sure I would ever get to. I am thankful this year has come, but will be thankful when its gone. In 2013 I bought my first house, found a church home, got Sophie, took on more at work, grew my hair out, renewed friendships, started over, and found my voice.

P.S. I am thankful for all of you. You have been so supportive and loving to me this year as I went through heck and back and began my life again. Your words of encouragement are a constant beacon of light in my heart. Blessed beyond words!

What are you thankful for this Fabulously winter Friday?

Throwback Thursday

So, what happens when my brother decides to clean out a storage unit my family has had since I was I dunno, 3? Well, he finds all kinds of gems, including copious amounts of twirling trophies and the following lovely pictures! It's #TBT!

I'm that really short one in the middle

cause everyone needs a good bathtime pic (my brother is going to kill  me)

Sunny Days

Love those days when you return from lunch/packing/running errands before you head out for a work trip and read one of your fav blogs real quick and see your own lovely name atop her list of Blog's/People that bring sunshine to her life. Yup, there I was atop my lovely friend Jessica's Blog. Yeah, I know, you have probably heard me gush about this gorgeous woman, whom is actually my IRL friend and well, she just makes my day. So, go head over and see what she has to offer. Meanwhile, I am blessed to be one of her sunshine girls.!

Here are the rules:

{1} Acknowledge the nominating blogger.

{2} Answer 11 questions the blogger has created for you.

{3} List 11 bloggers that deserve the recognition & love (not including the blogger who nominated you).

{4} Post 11 questions for the nominated bloggers to answer.

1. Where is your "happy place?" - Hmmm, this one is hard. I'll tell you two of mine: 1) The gym. Yup, I know, crazy right? But somehow it just cures all ails. As in stress relief. I can just take it out on the treadmill, or weights or elliptical; and 2) V&D's house. Crazy how that place just feels like home.
2. If you could tell your 18 year old self one thing, what would it be? Lord, I would tell her to clam the F down and just enjoy life. I was am such a worrywhort and I just need to chill. I would also tell her to think about what she is doing on the crazy nights when there was a lil too much punch involved and not enough good ole self control.


3. Fall or Spring? Fall! Tights, sweaters, hats, suede... love it.

4. What's at the top of your Christmas wish list? A new LV purse. The Neverfull Pm to be exact in the blue/white....

5. Favorite breakfast food? All of them. Love breakfast, but ill go with pancakes (pumpkin spice ones)

6. If you could change your name, what would you choose? Hope. Its what my mom pondered naming me after a character in Days of Our Lives.

7. If you had to choose: french fries or dessert? Hard one... going with dessert here.

8. Favorite quiet time/de-stressing activity? Running or yoga. See #1.

9. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Hawaii.

10. Favorite store to shop for yourself in? Loft. I may not have an obsession and only because I can do work and casual all in one place.

11. If you had all the money in the world, what's one item you'd most like to 'splurge' on? See #4.

Ok, so my 11 include lots of lovely ladies who have already been nominated, but in no particular order:

1. Jenn @ Going The Distance
2. P!nky @ P!nkpersistance
3. Amber @ Brunch with Amber
4. Neely @ A Complete Waste of Makeup
5. Stephanie @ The Vintage Modern Wife
6. Kayla @ Close Encounters
7. Lia @ Life is Amasying
8. Holli @ Holli's Hoots & Hollars
9. Tammy Jo @ You wouldn't call it a drinking problem
10. Janna @ Perception is Everything
11. Rachel @ Pretty in Pink

And my 11 Questions:
1. Favorite Toy as a Kid
2. Water or Soda?
3. Least Favorite Thing about the holidays
4. First Blog you followed
5. wine or dessert?
6. PSL or Peppermint Mocha?
7.  Blog friends turned IRLF
8. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
9. Favorite Disney princess
10. Colored lights or white light on the Christmas tree?
11. What you want for Christmas?

Since You've Been Gone

Yes, I know I have disappeared from my little space on the interwebs for almost a week. Well, I apologize. Yes, I am alive, no I have not quit blogging or left on any kind of fun trip. No, I have been well, working.

I left last week for McAllen, Texas for work. Yeah, so close to the beach, yet so far... I was inspecting roofs and mediating cases. This was my first inspection opp so I was kinda excited to participate and see what our client looks for/at when inspecting on behalf of the insurance company. I will tell you, what people keep in their houses and attics though, crazy. But, if I had to sum up my trip in one word it would be nachos. Yeah, nachos. Friday dinner my boss and I went to this lil Mexican food joint recommended by his lady friend and well we ordered fajitas and an appetizer and ended up with what appeared to be two giant plates of nachos. Needless to say, the running joke is now everything comes with a side or on a bed of nachos.

I returned home late Friday and was exhausted. Quick hangout with le guy and then bed for me. I was up bright and early Saturday for a trek to Dallas for training for my perhaps new business undertaking. Has anyone heard of J. Hilburn Men's Clothier? Well, I attended training and am trying to decide if I can undertake this and still have time for ya know, life. I would recount my Saturday night, but honestly I am asking for mulligan on it and moving on.

Sunday was church, work, lil yard work, family showing up at my door and my mom bringing over some of my old trophies and  some gems of old family photos... like this....

And then it was Monday and I was back at work and barely had time to look up and breathe, which actually, is a good thing! Busy days make for fast days and fast days lead to the weekend just showing up on your doorstep. Which leads me to a revelation I had last night at dinner with my girlfriends.... Thanksgiving is next week... yes next week people. WHERE DID THE TIME GO? It's like we rang in 2013 and BAM! Its the Holidays (which BTW, do not put up  your Christmas tree, lights, décor people, its not December, can we please celebrate that lovely food holiday that comes before December 25th? Please and thank you.) Rant over.

And with that, I give you my life since I've been gone....

and how can you not miss this face?

When to Shut Up

I am on a perpetual quest. My mission, collect as much information as I can about what I want to know and use it to control predict the future. Yes, ladies & gentlemen (if there any of you out there reading this), I am a woman and I have this intense need to  talk about my feelings and yours. I will ask you asinine questions, pepper you with "what if's" and "how do you feel about...." I will tell you my life story, life plan, timeline, how I feel about just about anything there is to feel about in an attempt to make you then pour our your heart and soul so I am not caught off guard or enter into the land of the unknown--you know that land where you have to actually just let life happen and see what the future holds for you? Yeah, that really scary one where I end up frustrated, confused or hurt.

See, I am that species of woman who had this grand plan for her life and could just "see" it all unfold before her eyes, until it didn't and I turned into control freak woman who will scare away the ever elusive "good guy" because of complete insecurity complex. Yes, people, I need to learn  when to shut up.

But in all honestly, I know where this stems from. I was that woman who thought she could change man, that marriage would all of a sudden produce this man who put me before him, did sweet little things just  because, and well caused a complete 180 attitude change. I ignored the cautionary
"you cannot change him." So now, I am so scared to end up there again, or not get what I want from life that I have turned into overbearing, let's make up problems and issues so we can talk about them woman.  I.AM.SCARED. Yup, scared. Not of moving on, or a new relationship, but that it will turn out like the last. That I will somehow find myself in the same situation and then end up alone again and more heartbroken than before. I want so much for my plan to get back on track that I am driving people nuts.

I know I can't control life, its outcome, and especially other people. I know that, I hear it, I understand it, but I do an awful job of living it out. In my mind life is pretty simple, find a good thing, and do whatever you can to keep it; make a plan and stick to it; and don't stall, keep moving forward. I move at warp speed and have to remember not everyone does and if I don't slow down I will miss lost of life experiences along the ride.

Veteran's Day

Thank you to all who served, including one very special brother of mine!

5 on a Friday

Ok, so this has been the slowest week ever and my body just wants to get sick. I have been fighting exhaustion since last week.... So, here's my 5 on this Friday....

1) Fort Worth's Most Beautiful - Have you voted? Did you vote? You can (and should) vote everyday! And if you ever wanted to know what I sound like, watch the video... its rather funny to hear myself talk (aka I sound 12). Thanks y'all!



2) No football... I know this sounds crazy as I love me some Horned Frog Football, but I need a break. They kinda engulf your weekend and then I am left to do everything Sunday. So a day of no plans sounds awesome.

3) Colder Weather - Can we talk about the morning low of 39 in the Fort yesterday? Yes, 39! I turned on the heat, curled up with blankets and fuzzy socks and  didn't want to get out of bed. It was glorious!

4) My Fitness Regime - So, I mention I was started back with my am workouts and adding in some hot yoga. It has been a small adjustment, but I love being able to come home after work and  making dinner and just enjoying the evening with my pups and le guy. I live so close to the gym so its silly to not just go in the am. I mean people I literally can see it from my house (ok well, not see but pretty much, see its .9 miles)


View Larger Map

5) My Door - as in the one to my house... yeah I am at war with it. I got home last night after running to the store to grab supplies for sausage pasta bake and homemade pizza (Saturday's meal) and put my key in my lock and nothing. Yup, it would not open. It would turn to the left as if I was locking it, but not the right. I could not get it open. I then proceeded to go to the back gate and could not get it open either. It was stuck. I climbed up to try to unlock it and nothing. I was standing there, in my suit and heals, in the cold locked out of my house. After several tries and choice words I phoned le guy, who was at the gym. So I called my good friends Catie and Frank and it was Frank to the rescue. How showed up with DW-40 and another guy from our church and they were just as stumped as me. We proceeded to kick in the dog door to rescue me from the outside. Needless to say, I met said guy from our church with mascara pouring down my face and in a state of sheer exhaustion (oh well). But I am truly blessed to  have friends in my life who come to aid. (Le guy was so apologetic and super sweet when he finally came over, poor guy just did not know what he signed up for with  me).

So, enjoy Friday, if you need me I'll be lawyering for food til 5!

A lil Reflection

I know I have talked about how different my life is from a year ago, but I had some great reflection time last night. I had a friend over who is contemplating a divorce and so we sat down to talk about everything from how she felt to the legal issues concerning it.

I listened to her talk about how she felt and I interjected with my own experiences and thoughts. We have so much in common, not only with our marriages, but our past experiences and lives. Often I see so much of my 22 year old self in her. I want to hug her and hold her and tell her she is so young to be so miserable. Yet, I know how that feels so I just listen. I was raw and honest with her.

Divorce sucks. Its like having a death in your family. You ache like you have never known, and its literally a physical ailment. You second-guess, feel shame, guilt, you reason with yourself and often run and hide. People, especially your spouse think you just woke up one morning and said I don't want to do this, let's divorce, simple. Its not simple. It hurts just as much to be the one who files as the one who receives the papers. It was something I thought about long and hard and sought counsel on from those I love. I wrestled with it emotionally and spiritually. I ache for her. I know the sorrow and strife she has bottled up in her. I know how this is eating her alive and yet making her dead inside.

I have been asked if I regret it or would change how it happened and that is just the opening of can of worms and caused the butterfly effect. Sure, I could see how time might have helped or let us "fix" things,  but at the end of the day I knew in my heart and soul that we just didn't work, we were not fixable to the extent I needed in order to be truly happy. Now, all you marriage lovers can say I didn't try hard or that marriage is work and no marriage is perfect, I hear you and I know that. But I also know that its not worth being miserable, depressed, and empty inside for someone. At 30, I was too young to spend my life trying to fix something that should not have been broken so quickly and so easily.

As I listened to her I heard her say the words that I clung to and helped me be at peace with my decision "It shouldn't have come to this." Yes! I wanted to scream. I had often told M this and felt this way, that only when I got upset enough or actually filed, did he want to fix things, work on them and show me he could love me well. It was too late. How could he not see that his wife had long left her body and only an image of her remained? How did he not reach out sooner and say where did YOU go? There are a million reasons why, and none of them is right or wrong, but at that point I was too far gone and no essence of me remained to salvage the relationship we had for 7 years.

So, as I sat and reflected and remembered all those emotions and feelings I felt at peace. Do I still have moments of what if? Yes I probably always will. Will part of me always love him and care about him? yes, and that's ok. But now, the woman I am faces each day knowing that I have peace in my decision and God has greats plans for me. He has given me angels in the form of friends and family  to show me what true everlasting, unconditional love looks like.

The Tough Stuff

I admit the past couple days have not exactly been all sunshine and roses. Add in the abysmal rain and dreariness and its just been flat out hard to find a reason to jump out of bed in the morning. I have had a lot on my plate as of late and trying to juggle several balls has caught up to me. I am frustrated.

Yup, just frustrated. Are things bad? No? Are things perfectly the way I want them? No, and therein lies my frustration. See, I am a control freak. I want things to go according to my perfectly thought out plan and I want them to go that way... Now. Funny that life does not work that way. In fact, it seems life is the antithesis to any of my perfectly laid out plans.

I think my past experiences has aided in this pursuit of perfection. For so long I felt out of control when it came to life decisions and even little things like what to eat for lunch. I try to micromanage and that failed miserably. Then I was in a marriage that was seemingly perfect from the outside, but inside was a constant battle. My opinions were not valued, my voice silenced and my plans placed second to his. I was so tired of wanting that I just gave up. I quit caring. So, after my divorce I went into control overdrive. I could now control everything from where I lived to what I did each waking moment. I felt freedom in this until I realized I could only control my own actions. I wanted so much to control everything: M's feelings, work life, dating, other's perceptions of me, etc.. you get the point. I was trying to be the mastermind of the universe. I failed miserably again.

So, why do I return to this place? Because I am not perfect. I will experience times of frustration, pain, and suffering. But I can rest in knowing that He is always present in this and when I turn to Him, I will find comfort. I also know that keeping that frustration bottled up does me no good and only breeds hostility towards those I love.

I want life to move at my speed, which tends to be warp-speed. I want things to go and go now, move and move quickly, and be in line with my timeline so to speak. I was humbled last night at Redemption Group when we recounted the story of the Israelites continued sin time and time again after God shows them grace... I was like come one people get with the program. And then I realized I was quite the hypocrite. I am guilty of this as well. I balk when things do not go my way, or more often, I run. Rather than face the problem or have that tough talk I tend to just say never mind, this is too hard or not going my way so I would rather not endure it. But now, I can see that if I stick with it, repent, confess and have those tough moments, I can rest in His will and plan and just let life play out.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10

Weekend Wrap Up & Exciting News

I feel like I did so much this weekend,  but have so little to show for it... as in pictures....

My good friend K at Clark Weekend

Friday evening le guy and I attended a TCU event. The office I used to work for puts it on every year and its so much fun. This year was a murder mystery theme. There was good food, good friends, and some dancing. The after party proceeded at a local dive bar, and when I say dive I mean kinda raunchy and looks likes its a less than desirable establishment from the outside, but inside? Fun and friends! If you live in Fort Worth, you know all about VIP's.

Mom and I on the field at halftime

Saturday was some more Frog football... now if we could just win that would be great. This was TCU's Annual Pink Out game. Did you know TCU was the first school to do a pink out game? Yup! Trendsetters I know. Post game was very low key, as in I was in bed by 10pm.

 

Sunday was a BUSY day. Church, gym and then mouse proofing the house. We closed up all my foundation vents, and tested the patience of le guy when dealing with me and home improvement projects. So, three drills and some zip ties later, we are ready to keep out the rodents. That night we had Chinese and watched Monsters University. Yes, I love this movie and yes I love animated films.

But, me, I have some  news and I need you help. I am so blessed to have been nominated as one of Fort Worth Most Beautiful Women. Eeek, I know! So I need y'all to hop on over to Fort Worth, Texas Magazine and vote for me. The top 10 will be featured in the January issue. And... if you need some others to vote for, might I suggest my good friend and former pageant girl Melissa McLaughlin and Bridget Shelton or the current Miss Fort Worth Rachel Garrett. This is truly an honor and well, Ive got nothing to lose so go and vote and vote often!

Freaky Friday

Or not so freaky since that was last night.... and I missed all the trick-or-treaters.... I blame my hair appointment. But let me tell you those kids still don't care if your light is off they will try anyway... Just because I have pumpkins and a sign does not mean I am home and want to give you candy, which I have none of... dogs treats or a turkey sandwich? But I digress, its Friday and the weekend is oh so close so here is my edition of 5 on Friday!

1) Friends! - Can I get an Amen for good friends? I mean the kind that call/text/email/instant message & meet you for breakfast or lunch just to see how you are doing? I am beyond blessed with some wonderful women in my life who just constantly seek my heart and want to love me well. Shout out to all the girlfriends of the world.  Call yours today and tell them how much they mean to you.

2) TCU Annual Pink-Out Game - This weekend is my alma mater's pink out game and I just love it. My mom is  breast cancer survivor, so this is a special game for the two of us. We were featured in TCU's video my first year of law school and every year we have shared this game as a reminder of where she was and where she is now. Love you mom!

2008 Pink Out Game

3) Clark Weekend - Also a TCU fav of mine! Its all about thanking the wonderful donors who make TCU the institution it is! Each year TCU hosts a weekend where donors get to party down and raise money for a wonderful scholarship. This year's theme is a Mystery Dinner (nope can't say murder mystery at the Christian university). I get to see wonderful friends and the people I used to work with and have a wonderful night!

4) Fall - Its starting to actually feel like fall  here. As in its 49 degree at 7am and I can wear tights.... and boots... and scarves... and leggings are my best friend! I don't know about you,  but I love the its just lil cold in the am when you step out of bed and want to run back in to warm your feet!

5) Critter Eradication - I have not seen or heard (knock on wood) from my unwelcomed house guests since the Tuesday event. I do not know if they are scared to death or just dead, but let's hope they have moved out! Meanwhile, pretty sure one made its untimely demise in my wall... know how to remove decay smell? (gross I know).

Anywhoodle y'all... its Friday enjoy the weekend, enjoy the weather and Go Frogs!