On Being OK

It's the question everyone will ask you post D, "Are you ok?" Ok, what does ok mean? Webster defines it as all right. We use it to mean yes, as in do you want to hangout tonight? ok. We use it to mean WTF? As in when you get upset with someone and then look at you and say Okay... (drawn out). But what does it mean to be ok? and who wants to be just ok?

I am not crazy, I am about to lose it or go off the deep end. I am divorced, not dead.  I have accepted the things I cannot change and decided to move forward. I am 30, not 80. I am single, not an alien. Yes people I am ok.

Yes, there are times I step backwards and miss things. Things, not people. Like having another person in the house to help with the pups or take the trash out, or just another warm body that takes up space. I miss conversation and always having someone to eat out with or go to the movies with. I miss companionship.

But, guess what? I have those things. Single does not mean alone. It means growing closer to my friends and family, renewing my walk with Christ and focusing on me. Yeah, that person that not neglected. I get to realize what I like, what's ok for me.

Like, I like flowers, running after work, I snort when I laugh, get embarrassed easily and have quite the sense of humor. I like wine with dinner or before bed. I like to snuggle and and hold hands. I enjoy random shows on reality TV and stolen glances.

I need a man who can lead me as well be lead. I need a man who wants to share my faith walk and wants to go to church. Someone who can show what it means to love and be loved. Who never takes me for granted and pursues me everyday.

I know these things because I am ok. Its been a journey. Its meant forgiving and apologizing, its meant frogs and toads, its meant tears and smiles. Its meant letting go and being vulnerable. Its looking forwards and not backwards. Its finding a super hero in the most unexpected place.

The D is never easy. Its like death. But after the mourning and grieving, you see the sun rise, step outside and your heart is warmed with the grace and glory of God. He gives you what you need. He gives you hope. He gives you the ability to be OK.