Lawyering is Like Being a Mom

I haven't written about my work like in quite some time. Honestly, its because I have been overloaded with boring letter writing and depo summarizing and well I don't think any of you would find those the least bit exciting or blogworthy... However, I come to you today with the story of the needy client.

I handhold, wipe their noses, tell them its ok, give them advice, and answer EVERY question they have, even when they ask it 12 times and then answer every, "why" that comes after it. I coddle them at times and let them spread their wings other, knowing full-well they will return to my nest in need of mothering. I am their teacher, homework checker and the one who constantly reminds them when this or that is due and past due and now waaaayyy past due. I field calls from their exes, upset friends and irate parents and teachers. I clean up the messes I didn't make and do it with a smile. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, lawyering is like being a mom.

I am emotionally invested in their cases and lives--when they are down, I am down and out. Like my mom used to tell me, I may not always like you, but I will always love you. My clients are my life, they are why I do what I do... but that doesn't mean I always have to like them.

My Crazy Thoughts

This may come as a surprise to you, or maybe it doesn't, but I tend to have the weirdest thoughts. Like all-out panic thoughts about things that require no worry at all.

1. Someone will attack me at night - yes I tend to wake up to ever noise (critter or not) thinking someone is invading my home. Its especially weird when my sound machine mysteriously turns off at night... total freak out

2. People are mad at me - I probably ask le guy and others if they are mad at me like a zillion times a day. Its like  I have an innate fear that I am constantly pissing people off.

3. Chloe hates me - Ever since I moved out of "our" house and took Chloe with me, I think she hates me. I also think she resents me bringing Sophie into the house. She just looks at me and is like, u.. when is dad coming home?

4. Not eating one cookie, one latte, one piece of candy will miraculously make me skinnier. Like if I can just thwart one thing, I will drop 5 pounds in a hot second. So, when I "need" that sweet, I feel like I am doomed and I just go overboard.

5. I constantly disappoint people - Like I walk around feeling like no matter what I have upset someone, disappointed someone, and I must perfect. Like this one drives me mad. Hello insecurity.


Maybe they are not weird to you, but to me, I feel crazy when I have these thoughts. Tack on the crazy episode I had last week with le guy about how my life took a turn for the crazy at 30 and now I am 31 and would like to get things back on track so here is my ideal timeline, crazy.

What random thoughts do you have?

and I know I have been bad on my 31 days posts... but here is today's episode of 31 Lessons.

Day 15: Only you know when you're ready. Ready for anything. Ready to move out, move on, tell people, go out, love again. People will give you advice, their timeline, tell you to do this or that or wait or you need to be doing x, y, z.... You know when its ok for you to do anything, listen to yourself and don't be afraid to follow that instinct.

Welcoming 31

Well, over the weekend, yesterday to be exact, I hurdled the 30 mark and turned (gulp) 31.... As much as I was dreading it, I just embraced it.... kinda, sorta, maybe I pouted a little Sunday. Anywho, my weekend when a little like this:

Friday: Spent the day at an insurance law CLE... boring? learned some interesting things. Then I had dinner with V&D at Waters in Fort Worth. We dined on  an assortment of lovely seafood and champagne to wash to down. Followed by yummy break pudding.

 

Saturday: I was Up waaaaay early to rehearse for TCU Homecoming. Its the one time a year I break out the batons and relive my glory days. But, with an 11am game time, practice came early at 7am. The game, we won, the twirling went well, and all in all, I had a nice time seeing friends and even my high school calculus teacher (her daughter is a sophomore at TCU).












After the game, it was much needed nap time and nap I did. Drool and all... That evening CT and her hubs hosted a small birthday shindig for me to the tune of fajitas, and games! Fun was had by all. WE then headed out on the town. A few bars, one close call of a football game and some laughs later, I was home in bed by 12:30... party pooper? I don't care.

Sunday: I woke up to a fabulous breakfast of all my favs: pumpkin pancakes, turkey bacon, coffee, fruit, English muffins with pumpkin cream cheese... umm yes someone spoiled me ;)! I then headed to church for a wonderful sermon. Hit then gym and then, well had a small breakdown on the phone to my mom. Yes, I admit, I was tired, not taking the 31 thing ok and just wanted to sleep. A shower and a nap later and I decided all I wanted that evening was quiet time with the pups and le guy and pizza. So, that is what I got. Picked up some Pie 5, and some pumpkin cheesecake from Central Market and watched the Cowboys. Perfect? Yes. I am also the owner of a new Kindle Paperwhite. If you know me, and my reading obsession, you know how psyched I am. Love my ipad, but not for reading, its like voluntarily burning my retinas.  I also scored a new phone case and Rangers tee from my bro, super cute earrings from this girl, and lots of loving texts, cards and phone calls.

I will say its a success... even if I'm not really ready to be a 30-something.

Happy Monday y'all.

Falling

So, my birthday is Sunday... yup 31 is coming and quickly.... I have decided I will embrace this age and ya know what? 31 is the new 25.... (right?) So, in thinking about the bid cake eating day here are a few things I would buy myself, if I could.... (i'm on a shopping hiatus until le credit card is paid off from home things).

1. This outfit - digging the suede booties, I am lusting after the ones Jessica wore on our blate and I want a good oversized sweater jacket.

fall by lynn-alexander featuring cropped cuffed jeans

 

 

2.  This purse

 

3.  A monogram necklace

4. Cheesecake

Guess What Day it Is?

Yup, so its Hump Day... which  means its mid-week, that day in between Tuesday and Thursday where you just want it to be the weekend, yet you have so much to do before then... Yup, Wednesday. However, I am not dreading today. Nope, not at all... because life is good. Yup, good, ok, well better than good its great.

Seems crazy for me to say, er type that. For most of my life I have worried, fretted, had some sort of chip or grudge or problem to handle. But right now, life is good and I am happy.

I know that life is not perfect, nor exactly as I planned, but its life. I have a house to live in; a job to provide; I am surrounded by the most loving friends and family; my walk with Christ surprises and challenges me at every turn; and le guy, well he may be a keeper y'all. Sure, I have my moments: I worry, fret and overthink, but all-in-all I am blessed.

Day 9 of Lessons: Take time to count your blessings. I know I get so caught up in the stress and worry of life that I tend to forget how blessed I am. And then things like last night happened. I got home from RG and saw a car parked in front of my house and someone sitting there. I was a lil freaked out and then I saw her. There sat CT. She was just waiting for me to come home to check on me. My heart was filled with warmth and I could not help but smile. To have friends like this that support me and truly love me, is beyond fathomable sometimes. Count your blessings because life it too short to worry.

Worried to Death

Have you ever rolled your yes at someone when they say, "stop worrying yourself to death?" Yeah, I just raised my hand and denoted myself captain of the worry club. I can worry you under the table my friends, hands down, eyes closed.

 

However, this worry will be the death of me or rather lots of other things in my life. I worry about work and it tends to induce a stress ball of fun who ends up crying in her office. I worry I am not perfect enough, or Christian enough (which induced me literally running from group last Tuesday and crying in the hall, as in all out toddler-type years of frustration and exhaustion), and I worry I will end up alone and childless with 20 cats.

 

This worry reared it ugly head last night. I am returning to RG tonight and worry what the others will think of me after my tantrum of sorts. I am embarrassed and loathing their stairs. I know they love me and care about me, but its never easy to look at people in the eye when you feel shame yourself. I also managed to worry myself into an awkward conversation with le guy. (Yes P!inky I am quasi-stealing your name). So we sat on the couch watching a random assortment of TV shows and talking and I did it. I worried myself into a tizzy of awkward, hair-twirling, fidgeting hands death. My head was saying don't say it, don't go there you baby-crazy, garbage toting, ball of a mess of a woman who needs to just shut your pie-hole and let life take its course. (yeah cause that works so well with me). I felt like my mouth was moving, and I could not stop it. I just laid all my life's worry right out there (even the stuff that I feel like you just don't tell people, unless its your best friend who already knows you're crazy). I felt like I was that woman who sits on the first date and says "Hi, my name is Lynn and I would like to be married, have a kids and boat, a pony, a house with a pool... oh and I would like to know exactly when you be putting said imaginary ring on my finger and such because if that's not in your plan, eh let's say in the next year, I'll be moving on now." Yup, I totally pretty much did it. (ok, so it wasn't that bad, but man it felt like it).

As I laid in bed last night, I got to thinking about why I am this way. I hate unexpected, unplanned, chaotic life. I have been there, done that, have multiple postcards and emotional scars. I want to know. Yup, know. I would rather you tell me hey, not gong to happen then drag me along. Its like the guy I went on multiple dates with who suddenly stopped calling and returning my texts. Hey dude, that's fine if you don't want to see me, but just let a girl know why. (random I totally saw this guy at the tailgate I was at two weeks ago and it was totes awkward/funny all at the same time).

 

I just don't know how much more uncertainty I can handle. Its like if someone would just show me my life timeline I would be ok. Just let me know its going to happen. Like, not even hard dates, but just a general, here is what will happen in the next year of your life. I know I have to be patient and wait and see and have faith, but man, I have experienced so much turmoil I just want to know there is a light at the end of my tunnel of life.

 

Poor le guy.... he had no clue what he was in for by agreeing to hang out with me last night.

 

 

Which leads me to my 31 days of Lessons: Don't be afraid to know what you want. This time around, at least I know what I want and I am somewhat not afraid to let potential suitors know (for better or worse). I'm resigned to the fact that I will be 31 on Sunday and I am not getting any younger. I'm not going to waste time chasing that which will never be in line with my wants/needs.  It's ok to want to be a wife and mom (yup I just said that).

 

 

I'll Fly Away

So, what happens when you have been working way too much and decide you need a getaway? Well, if you're me, you fly to Georgia, and drive to the wilderness for a weekend away... oh and you plan a wonderful blate!

This is also my lesson #7: take time for yourself, plan a trip, get away, do something you don't normally do, like... plane a trip to the middle of nowhere Georgia and see friends!

So, Thursday afternoon I boarded a plane for Atlanta. Just as I was about to take off my best friend from elementary school saw my check-in at the airport for Atlanta and she was like umm I live 20 minutes from there... I was like umm whoa... so I texted when I landed and low and behold, 30 minutes later I was in her house seeing for the first time since we were 14.

Kristin and I were in the 1st and 2nd grade together. She moved to Florida in the middle of 2nd grade and the saga of the letters began. We wrote letters to each other over the course of the next 7 years. Like handwritten, Lisa Frank stationary letters. We had a rule: once you got a letter you had 2 weeks to send another one. We wrote and wrote and wrote. We sent gifts talked on the phone occasionally, and then Christmas of the 9th grade I went to visit her in Florida. We lost touch a little in college and such, but Facebook helped! We reconnected and so there I sat talking to her and seeing her little ones. It was marvelous! What a way to start my trip.

Gorgeous woman inside and out!

I then headed on to my hotel. I was staying at the Lodge & Spa at Callaway Gardens in Pine Mountain, GA. Everyone should go. Its so peaceful and relaxing.

Friday morning I woke up and headed in McDonough to meet miss Jessica who blogs at The Newly. I have been awaiting this! Jessica and I have been "friends" for a couple years now and I just love following her and have enjoyed watching her grow in her marriage and now as a mother.We have just connected. So when that blonde-haired beauty walked in her with baby boy Caleb. We gabbed for hours! It was like we were old friends just chatting over pizza! It was hard to see her go, but it was wonderful. I cannot wait til next time and perhaps if her B gets into the program in Texas... we may just be seeing more of each other!

Saturday I hit up the gardens for a lil hiking and sightseeing before hitting up the spa. Callaway Gardens is miles and miles and acres of gorgeous flora and fauna.  I'll let the pictures do the talking.

gorgeous chapel in the middle of the gardens... future wedding site?

birds of prey show

SEC topiaries

frogs who hung out outside my room

The gardens were peaceful and gorgeous and just what I needed to relax and connect with nature. I then high-tailed it to the spa for a message and some steam.

Sunday I dreaded going home, but I went into Atlanta and hit up the World of Coca-Cola.

And how did my wonderful weekend end? I came home to wonderful fall pumpkins to adorn my porch from my sweet friend and neighbor CT!! It was just what I needed! I got to see two wonderful friends and just could not be more relaxed and refreshed. How was your weekend?