When

Ah yes, the proverbial "when." Its much like the proverbial "if," but this when has a new meaning. If you are (there it is again) anything like me (which most 30 year old woman are) you are constantly wondering what if, and when. As in, if I do this he will like me, or if I cut my hair like this, or if I only eat like that or if I workout more I could.... If.... if only.

Then you have when. When will I (insert any number of things women want)-- when will I

• get married
• have kids
• get the promotion
• lose weight
• buy a house
• like my body
• like my hair
• get all the things that I want out of life

When. If. Two small words that ruin run our lives. So, who says when and if have to reign supreme? They don't! Because "when" is powerful and gives you power.

When I--

• workout
• eat healthy
• see the beauty in myself
• chose not to listen to negative thoughts
• surround myself with Christian men and women
• chose to love myself
• refuse to engage in self-sabotage
• let myself be loved
• turn to His word to make me whole

I am complete.

When.... I have decided that when is not bad. When is the time at which things come and we all know good things come to those who wait. When you are still, confident, sure, patient, kind, loving, when you do all these things instead of wondering if, life is grand. When I live one day at a time, and trust  in myself, when is positive. Because when my time comes, its going to be magnificent.

This year has been trying to say the least. I have  experienced so much, but have grown leaps and bounds. I have hit the bottom and worked my way back up. Today I know I stronger and in a better place. I not only know myself, I know the Lord. Getting older sucks. Its sucks even more when we say if and when instead of being content knowing that when it happens it will be good. I don't know about y'all but song gets me through much of life. I have listened to this song since about my second year in law school. When I thin back to what it meant then I laugh. I thought I had life figured out. Now, I know life is about so much more. I get to choose. I get to be heard. I get to love and be loved. I am saved because He died for me. So, yes getting older is hard, and grey, but it just means I am one day closer to my "when."