Life Ain't Easy

In the words of Kermit the Frog, "it ain't easy being green" and in my words or any other color. Life, in the grand scheme is a millisecond of the world. Its short, fast and often a roller coaster of decisions, experiences, and opportunities.

For me, life happens when I think I have it finally figured out or under control, or stable. Then, life happens. I woke up this morning with resolve on the some decisions and knowing that no matter what happens, I am not alone and He will provide. I had a small sense of relief. Then I read my  blog roll. I was shocked and saddened to read of my friend Jessica's loss of a pregnancy. Its instances like hers that make you wonder why. She is the sweetest, most loving friend, wife and mother I know. I ache for her. And last night, my small group prayed for a friend who lost her baby at 35 weeks. 35 weeks. One minute healthy baby and the next gone. Life.



I think Life is one of the many reasons people fear God, religion and the church. They snark and say, if He exists, He wouldn't let thinks like this happen. That old adage is so easy to buy into. I too have had my times of disbelief, questions and struggles. Its hard to see His plan.

Its had been hard for me to see His plan as of late. I have been so wrapped in confusion, doubt and fear. I yearn for stability and the ease of life, yet He pushes me constantly towards change, challenges and risks. I struggled with what I want versus what is good for me. But, I have realized that all the struggles, weighing of pros and cons, internalization and just flat out worry don't do you any good either.

Life happens. It happens even when you wish it wouldn't. It comes suddenly and without warning. It pushes you to your limits and outside your comfort zone. And life comes with risks, scary as they may seem, they can also come with great reward.

Everyone is struggling with something. We're humans and its out very nature. I urge you to have faith. Be guided by that little voice on your shoulder, or in your gut. Do not let your life be led by fear, anger or worry. Yes, grieve when its sad and be angry when your are wronged, but do not let that rule. Life is short and precious and confusing as all get out!

Workout Wednesday

Guess what day it is? Hump Day!! Today I'm giving you a bust your hump workout that I love!

1. Step Up with weights. Get a bench or box and simply step up onto the box then lift the alternate knee up. You can keep weights to your side or do an overhead press. Do 20 reps so you get each leg 10 times.

2. Side Step up with lunge. http://youtu.be/Jp38n06Uv4o

Stand paralel to the bench, step up with your left foot, and raise right knee up, then go into a side lunge. See video. Do 3 sets of 10 reps on each side.

3. Box Jumps. 2 minutes.

4. Sumo squat with bull throw.  I normally stand close the wall and bounce the ball off the wall. Great overall workout. 2 minutes.

5.  Walking lunges with barbell or free weights. 15 lunges one way and then return 15 lunges on the way back.

6. Last but not least.... leg press! The leg press is by far my favorite leg exercise. And I don't mean the girly one, the free-weight loaded one. Put on as many plates as you can comfortably press for 10-12 rep, where you almost can't do the last 1-2 reps. I do 10 deep reps then 20 calf raises on the same machine.

Hope you enjoy some of my favorite leg workouts! Happy Hump Day!!

Life of a 30 Something

I had a great talk with my BOFF last night. Like, much needed girl talk, wish it were over wine talk. After I hung up, it hit me. I am no longer a college co-ed, or even a carefree 20 something. Nope, I am a single 31 year old woman. Ick. It just sounds so blah. Woman, I mean what happened to the days when your mom called you young lady? Nope, now its just woman.

Don't get me wrong, not sure I would go back to say er, 23, but not quite sure I am ready for the mammoth decisions and experiences of my 30's. Gone are the days when I could just pick up and move because the wind blew east or the grass not only looked greener, it was speckled with cute boys. I have so many other moving parts to my life that require so much thought even to say, go to the store! And don't get me started on the man front.

Doesn't get easier when you hit 30. I think in fact it becomes mire complicated as the sea of potential suitors narrows and breaking up or starting something new or changing anything in that department seems like deciding to go to war!

In fact, all decisions that need to be made now seem epic. They are life altering, pick the course you want to take difficult. Its not a matter of do you like me, check yes or no; or hmmm do I go out and skip class in the morning or go to class hungover; or to buy that new purse and eat Ramen for a week or not.... I mean, who lied and told me that your 30's is when you have it all figured out and you get to start living your life? Is anyone really 30 and flirty and thriving?

My image of of 30 was married, job, 2.5 kids and a dog (or 2). It wasn't one big decision after another that swallows you whole and/or watching everyone else live out your dream.

Perhaps my 40's will be the new 30's?

Big Scares & Big Decisions

Ever wonder how many hours one can sleep in one day and still be tired? Yeah, let's go with about 17. I believe I slept 17 hours yesterday. I just could not keep my eyes open. I was up long enough to eat and take the dogs out. I left work mid afternoon Friday on my way out of town for the weekend, when life decided I needed to stay put.

Couple trips of emptying my stomach later and long nap, I was staying here for the weekend. I also saw later that 35 South was closed in both directions past Waco, so my 3 hour trip to Austin would have lasted 6-7, so fate?

But this weekend gave me some time to think and reflect. Last week was interesting in my life. I was given some good news, some bad news, and some surprising news all in the course of a couple days. I found out some people incredibly close to me were going to be parents! I congratulated my brother on his new job & found out I was going to be an Aunt again! (seriously everyone is knocked up these days). I had a ghost of dating past eerily reappear and finally opened up about tons of things that had been going on in my head and heart. I basically reevaluated every aspect of my life.

In between unconscousness I did some sole searching. I prayed a lot, read the Gospel and read every journal entry I made in the last 4 years. I am amazed how much my life has changed and how much it has stayed the same. 4 years ago, I was clerking before my third year of law school and M and I were trying to get back together. I was lost and confused and most of all scared. I had this picture of what I wanted my life to be and I had this opportunity to make it work.

Today, I am still lost and scared. But in the last four years I have realized that its better to say what is on mind than hold it in. I have nothing to lose by revealing my heart other than the change to do it. I know that my thoughts and opinions, wants and needs matter. I am equipped to face whatever life hands me, though not always with grace and charm. I know that sometimes you only get one change to let people know what they mean to you. I am able to keep toxic people out and let those who truly care in. It does't mean I don't make stupid decisions or perhaps say a tad too much. I disappoint myself and still do not understand His plan for me. But I know, that everything happens for a reason. Every encounter, thought, decision and move we make it for some greater plan that we cannot see. So, I will live every day to fullest, have no regrets and make sure I speak the truth not only to other, but to myself. In the words of Shakespeare:

Confessional Friday

Oh Hey Friday, where did you come from? Did I also mention its 65 degrees outside? In Texas? In July?!? So let's get down to business with this little confess sesh.

I confess....

• people read my blog who i never thought knew it existed or even cared.... strange feeling to realize this
• I'm a nutcase. Seriously. I go from zero to crazy woman in .5 milliseconds.
• wine helps all things
• you never really stop caring about people who meant a lot to you
• I have the best and most supportive friends in the entire world.
• I have some big decisions to make right now and I don't want to, so if anyone would like to make them for me, let me know!
• I watched the entire first 4 seasons of Downton Abbey on eh, a week and a half... problem ya think?
• I get wrapped up and coiled in my own mind.... great thanks mind.
• I needed something new and decided to get bangs..... what do you all think?

Happy Friday ya'll!

Total Social Favorites

It's that time again! #totalsocial time! I love this monthly link up with Sarah and Helene. This month's topic: Favorites! I have so many favorites from favorite food, color, pastime, pin, post--you get my drift.  So, I know I needed something wonderful to share with you all today. After much thought, I bring you my favorite verses. These are the verses I go to in times of sorrow, strife, anger, fear, happiness, and joy. I hope you enjoy them.

“Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”
- Matthew 6:8

Blessed are the peacemakers,for they will be called children of God.Matthew 5:9, NIV

Stop the Madness

I know I promised you all photos this Workout Wednesday, but this is more important.
Today's public service announcement is brought to you courtesy of #StopTheBeautyMadness.

I was reading my Facebook feed when I saw this ad posted by Marie Claire and liked by a friend of mine.

Wow. Powerful. I clicked through and read the amazing story about #StopTheBeautyMadness and its campaign which features some powerful ads like the one above. Its aim? To stop the stereotypes, myths, lies, rumors, and the "ugly truths hidden in our culture and our own minds." #StopTheBeautyMadness is a series of 25 ad that call out unattainable beauty standards. Its heartbreaking, raw, honest, and remarkable.

I encourage you all to scroll through the ads here. I found myself in so many of these. They are the words I have spoken to myself, my inner monologue. They are the thoughts that run through men in my industry, women whom I meet, my friends, family, but also myself.

I know that people look at me and say, oh she is blonde, thin, lawyer, she must have it all. They don't see the little girl who grew up in a violent home with a father who spent most of her childhood in jail. They fail to see the teenager who struggled to "be like the cool kids" who never had brand name clothing and came home from school to an eviction notice on her apartment door. She was embarrassed of her home and would never invite anyone in, she worked two jobs, while trying to uphold an appearance at school that she was perfect.

They miss the young woman who went to TCU on scholarship and worked the whole time. They gloss over the struggle with body image, self-esteem, and "daddy issues." They see this well-wrapped package of a woman who has worked hard to get where she is today--who was fortunate enough to have people around her who loved her, supported her, nurtured her, and became her family. They do not want to see a woman who still struggles with her place in the world, her looks, her self-esteem, and only wants to what they see.

I admit I am partially to blame. I adhere to the "standards" of modern beauty. I want to have the right clothes, accessories, hair, etc.. But on the other hand, I do these things for me. I buy things because I worked hard to have a good job so that i can provide for myself. I workout and eat right so I feel good, and because I have seen firsthand what lacking in those areas can do to someone. I may not be perfect, I may struggle, I may  "buy in" to somethings, but don't judge me for it. Applaud me for being a strong woman. Applaud me in the moments I struggle, the moments I am weak along with the ones where I am brave. Applaud all women. Stop the madness.

Women should be each other's cheerleaders, not our worst enemies. Enough with the mean girls mentality. We need to back each other up.

For more information or to get involved in this movement, click here.