Just Give In

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,  then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:1-4. 

 

Submitting. Wow, what a word. It conjures up ill-will and feminist uprising. It makes us feel weak and unequal. Its a powerful word that has developed such a negative connotation over the years. But what does it mean to submit?

Dictionaries define it as:

sub·mit  (sb-mt)

v. sub·mit·ted, sub·mit·ting, sub·mits

v.tr.

1. To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.

2. To subject to a condition or process.

3. To commit (something) to the consideration or judgment of another. See Synonyms at propose.

4. To offer as a proposition or contention: I submit that the terms are entirely unreasonable.

v.intr.

1. To give in to the authority, power, or desires of another. See Synonyms at yield.

2. To allow oneself to be subjected to something.

 

Its means giving in. Now, not in the sense that you have to roll over and have no sense or say about life, or no control over your heart and your actions. Its means to give in where things are out of your control or where the only answer is from Him.

 

I admit this is hard for me. I know the Bible speaks of wives submitting to your husbands and vice versa, but for this independent, strong-willed woman, submission is hard. It was hard in the context of my marriage and its still hard in my everyday life.

 

I didn't want to be "wrong" or "weak." I wanted M to see me for who I was, or who I saw myself as: lawyer, strong, needs no one to help her. I wanted to be equal, seen and heard. I fight tooth and nail to be heard. I caused upheaval where none needed to be sometimes. Submitting was just not something I wanted to do.

 

Now, I am not saying give in totally. That is not what the Bible says either. Women, wives, are not supposed to just roll over and be walked over. But its about submitting so that you can be the example of Christ in your marriage or relationship. Its about stopping when you ask these questions:

 

But I didn’t do anything wrong. But what if I know better than they do? But what if they’re wrong? But I was trying so hard. It’s just not fair. I have rights. I should at least be able to speak my mind. But I’ve been serving and giving and trying so hard. But I don’t deserve this.

 

This ever-asked "why me?" I found myself asking this last night. Why me? What did I do? Well, I struggle, I refuse, I don't submit.

 

I struggle to submit to people with more seniority than I; to my family and loved ones when they know better or more than I, but mostly I struggle to submit to the Lord. Letting go and giving in to His will and His plan for me. Understanding why He chooses me to endure certain trials and challenges. Why He has called me to this season in my life. I struggle to give in to his plan. I want to control and to know and see it before it unfolds. I know I make decisions that run counter to the plan designed for me as often things tumble and I find myself asking for forgiveness and grace to begin the journey again.

 

Submission is hard. Its scary and comes with fear and misunderstanding. Women get caught up in the word and connotation instead of jumping in, giving in, walking in His footsteps. I get anxious, scared, freaked out. I wrestle with how I can be a strong woman in the workplace and yet softer and gentler at home.

 

I know sometimes life would just be better if I just gave in. Is it possible to be both? Career woman and submissive creature of God?

High Heels in the Courtroom

Ok, so I have not actually been in a courtroom other than when I interned or watched hearings, but my point is, its tough to be a woman in a male-dominated office, and profession for that matter. While its true that women are graduating in higher numbers from law school than men, the law is still predominalty a man's domain.

I feel like I have to be better, faster, more efficient. Autopsies cannot gross me out, I cannot get emotionally attached to the cases, and even when I am stressed, tired, and bloated, I cannot cry.  I have to show that I am as strong and smart as they are.  Write the best motions, draft the best discovery, and summarize a depo like its nobody's business! And do this all while putting myself together every morning and looking the part, but not too sexy, or young, but too old, or frumpy... (you'd be amazed at how much thought goes into my wardrobe).

Add to this stress, the fact that I am a wife. I still have to cook, clean, and make sure hubs doesn't walk out of the house in shorts when its 32 degrees (which he does). And someday, yes someday I want to have kids. At 29, my maternal instincts are screaming at me. But how does that affect work?

Being a woman with a career is hard, but being a woman-lawyer is even harder. You are expected to be tough like a man, but gentle enough that a jury will like you. I  have to gain respect from my peer without being a bitch. I am friends with the administrative staff, but I am still over them. I struggle with the line between confidant and cocky everyday.

Fear not though ladies (women, females, whatever term you choose) its OK to be a woman in the courtroom. Recognize your strengths, speak your mind, and set boundaries. Know that men and women inherently are different: we approach life from a different angle. Men and women seek answers in different ways, and that is ok. Just because you don't skin the cat the same way as your male counterpart, does not man the result is not as good.


So, here I am in my high, but not so high that I look like a stripper, female working her way towards the courtroom, one step at a time. ~The Illegal Blonde