No One Said it Was Easy

Life came to a head last night. Right there on my front porch steps in the humid Texas heat, mosquitoes biting with tears rolling down my face. I sat there and asked the unanswerable question: Why? It was quickly followed with the inevitable how? How and Why did I get here, ya know the proverbial here.

I took a quick inventory of where my life is, and while its not bad, its not what I dreamed it would be. See when I was a little girl, I had this dream to be normal. Normal, you ask. No one is normal. Yeah, I get that. I know no one is really "normal." But to me, normal was this seemingly Utopian life I would never get to taste. I have spent my whole life in pursuit of normal. You know, married 2.5 kids, 2 dogs and a house. American dream: normal.

So, I lived out life trying to get to normal. I made good grades, was president of anything I could get elected to, did well in every thing I pursued. Sure, I screwed up from time-to-time, we all do, but I did it all in the name of normal. I wanted to have a normal boyfriend, relationship, etc... so I did what they wanted. If they wanted pretty, I was pretty, if they wanted smart I was smart, if they wanted fun, I did the fun things. I adapted, changed and formed myself into whatever was normal for Mr. Right Now. But for me, he was always Mr. Right. Because having Mr. Right meant I was normal, right?

In college I just wanted to be normal. Sorority, clothes, shoes, purses, anything that would make me fit in and not stick out. Do right, be right, achieve right so that I would just be normal.

I hid so much of my life for so long because it wasn't normal. It wasn't normal to have a convict for a father, or to come from a single-parent home where eviction notices were the norm. It wasn't normal to shop the clearance rack instead of having name-brand jeans, shoes and purses. I didn't even know what most of the "in" brands were until I was 23! I never dreamed of wearing, let alone owning anything with those two letters on it: LV, or red-soled shoes.

But, now, I realize there is no normal. I don't come from the image of family togetherness. My family is chosen, and in a way handpicked me instead of getting stuck with me via birth. I know that my first marriage failed because of several reasons, but one of which was I wanted so much to be normal, that I missed being myself and falling in love with someone who was what I needed and now what I wanted. I realize that I envy my friends who have their extended family surrounding them at every turn because I will never know what that feels like. I realize I am not normal,  I am only me: stubborn, hard-headed, rule-following, insecure, silly, control-freak me.

No one said life would be easy, and no one warned me the pursuit of normal would only lead me further down the twisty, windy road that is unique.

Not So Noteworthy Weekend

Every have one of this weekends where ya didn't do anything exciting? I mean I think I am the only person in the DFW area who did not go see King George's last concert. I also did not watch the Frogs epic win and loss in the Super Regional. I skipped Miss USA and the Tony Awards, people, me skipped a pageant! So, what did I do this weekend?

Made a wonderful cumin spiced pork tenderloin, and a chocolate chip banana muffins. The girls and I took a trip the dog park. Chloe was not a fan per se.... she is kinda "too cool for doggie school" and Sophie, well she was that kid who wants to be everyone's friend.

She bee-bopped to every dog in the yard, sniffed their butt and then immediately laid down, belly up in her submissive pose. But, it did tire them out and they slept all afternoon. We also made a trip to Sam's Club, Yup, bulk TP, Kleenex, water, tea, trash bags, and that random bag of trail mix I threw in at the end.

Yup, one exciting weekend. But I guess sometimes, you need those weekends.

Someone is 4

Its Friday! And I my first fur baby girl's 4th Birthday! Celebrating the wonderful 4 years I have spent with the most amazing puppy,  best friend, study buddy, tanning partner, cuddle monkey, travel companion, and all-around sweetest little girl imaginable! We have been through 7 homes in this short time, but you have done it like a champ! We graduated law school, passed the bar, got married, got divorced, got a sister and bought a house! Wow, you have quite the accomplishments for 4 years old! I love you with all my heart Chloe Elaine!

Strangers in my Bed

Yup, right now there are two strangers sleeping in my guestroom. I know, I'm crazy! But seriously, I left two young woman in my house as I left for work. Have I lost my mind?

No, ok so that is debatable. But these ladies are Alpha Chi Omega alumnas from USC. They are embarking upon a cross country roadtrip raising money for Domestic Violence Awarness. Their cause Lyres on Tires. Basically, they travel across the country, stopping at homes of other alums, cook a meal, take the recipe, compile them and sell the book to raise funds. So, while technically strangers, they are sisters in the bond.

These two young women drove from Albuquerque, New Mexico to Fort Worth, Texas in one day! They finally arrived at 10:40 pm and were pooped! So, I am just a landing pad for their journey that moves to College Station today and then Austin Friday. Follow their journey on Instagram and Facebook.

Some may not be fans of the sorority thing, but I am blessed to still call some of my sisters my close friends. I am blessed to be able to open my home to these wonderful women and wish them good luck on the rest of their trip! LITB

Workout Wednesday

What? What? Its Hump Day!! So here's how I busted my hump yesterday at the gym!

Tuesdays are my HITT & cardio day. I either get in a nice 4-5 mile run after work, or I get in 20-30 min of cardio and then quick HITT workout. Yesterday, I decided to forgo the 97 degree heat index and HIIT the gym. I did a quick 20 min jog on the old dreadmill and then did three rounds of this workout:

Back lunge with overhead press (10 rep each side) 

Side plank with Reverse Fly (10 reps each side)

Kettle bell Swings (15)

Plank with Row

Deep Squat with Overhead reach

Warrior Three with tricep extension

Straight-leg deadlift with upright row

V-sit with one-arm fly

Split squat with curls (10 reps each side)

This had my feeling my legs, booty, quads and arms burning! Enjoy!

Food for Thought

Its Monday. The start of a new week and a new month. Summer has officially arrived in Texas and well, here comes the summer crud. I spent most of Sunday on le couch, with lord only knows what ailing me. My head was icky, my tummy was icky and I still feel, well icky. But, I digress..... My weekend was a tad dull to some, but just what I needed after a full-packed April-May.

Friday, after a hellacious day, I had a wonderful date night with le guy. I was a tad grumbly when I got home, as I had been struggling for the last two weeks with so much on my mind and heart. It was not made any better by the load at work. Its good to be busy, but sometimes it can just be all too much. I was having one of those days, where nothing seems to go right and everything is weighing heavy on heart and mind. I finally decided to confide and man, it felt so much better. Amazing what the healing power of words and virtual hug can do from you BOFF.

Again, digressed. We headed to a newer place on West 7th: AF+B (American Food + Beverage). It prides itself in American food, wine and spirits. And it did not disappoint.

We started with the Chorizo Scotch Eggs. Yes, fried hard-boiled eggs with chorizo. TO.DIE.FOR. Then I had the pork chop and he dined in the salmon. We finished it off with chocolate peanut butter icebox pie. Heaven on multiple plates.

Saturday I went for a much-needed run and then collapsed. I was just tired. I finally dragged myself off the couch for a little much-needed trip to the mall. I was out of makeup. As in, could not even scrap the bottom of the bottle, out. I decided it was time for a little re-do in the make up department. When in doubt, head to the Neiman's make up counters. I have heard great things about Armani's foundation, so I decided to just give it a try. I will let you know how I like it after a week. I admit, it was super nice to just sit down and be pampered from brow to lip. Too  bad I had no big plans that night, but I did look fab for the hopping crowd at Happy Bowl 2!

Sunday I dragged myself out of bed and into church. Ever have that feeling that sometimes you drag your butt out because He knows you need to hear the message? It also sets my tone for the week.I just wish I had felt better. But alas, I got back home and the dizziness and tummy started again. I was down and out for the better part of the day.

I did get to see my favorite baby girl yesterday! I made dinner for my good friend K and her hubs and new baby girl! That sweet face just melts my heart and ruffles on her little baby booty? I could just eat her up. That was pretty much it. I was in bed a la 9:30 and still feel less than stellar. URGH!

Hoping this thing clears out soon!

5 on Friday

Friday on a short week that felt extra long? Yeah, I had one of those! Its just cramming 5 days into 4 for ya! But here are my 5 great things about this week this Friday!

1} This Face! How can you not just want to curl back up in bed when this face stares at you while you are getting ready for work?

2} My City Group Family and babies! Was good to have the core group (plus two sweet baby girls) back together this week. Nothing beats baby giggles and Jesus ya'll!

3} This is the story of my life! Rough day? Wanna relax? Watch Monuments Men on TV? Add two furballs and this is my Thursday night!

4} Date Night! Yup, I got one tonight! Don't know the details, but its sure to be great!

5} Memorial Day! I have the best friends, who have the coolest family who know how to party! This was a little ladder golf action Monday right before all I had to do was just drop the thing on the ground to win and instead it jumped up and racked up a point over 21....