The DTR

So two weekends ago I was at my should-be sis's parent's house celebrating her 30th bday. *Sidenote: I love her family and they have the best tradition of a family birthday lunch and cake and merriment. They pretty much adopted all of their kids friends and well, its just wonderful to be a party of a huge family* Anywhoodle.... they ladies were sitting in the dining room for a little girltalk, and we were discussing AM's DTR with her boyfriend. Well, should-be and AM's mom was confused. DTR? What is that? So after a little explaining, and making sure she could use "DTR" properly in context, we proceeded with story of AM's DTR and then it bled over into their mom telling is about how her husband and she met, fell in love and got engaged. (seriously cutest story ever, and they will be celebrating their 41st wedding anniversary soon).

So, I thought about the "DTR." When do you have it? When is it appropriate? Is it a must? And what do you include in such a talk?  And, do you still DTR in your 30's?

Well, yes, you still DTR in your 30's.... I think you do at any age or stage and often you probably have more than one DTR. You have the first, are we more than just casual, followed by the where are we going with this, and then after some time, the should we move-in, get married? And then once you are married, you will continue to have a number of these DTR moments. You have the do we buy or rent; when do we have kids; do I continue to work or should I become a SAHM.

Its cyclical people. As humans (and women) we ride a constant wave of defining moments, we yearn to know where we stand and what happens next. I mean look at the way we define our friends from friend to best friend to BFFL.... even Facebook has us categorize our relationships with people.

I look back at my relationship with M and see now that we missed so many of these key moments. We never really talked about anything. We never went from the friends to boyfriend step, it was a constant battle for me. I was constantly wondering where we were going and where we stood (and though it shouldn't matter, it does). Its these types of talks and categorization that keeps a woman sane! It helps us have peace of mind.

This is one thing I have thought about more in this go 'round than the last. I try to talk about these things so that no one is in the dark or feels lost (aka I don't feel lost or in the dark), so that we communicate about our thoughts and feelings. I have also tried not to think about when the time was right or what is accepted in society. WE have done things when they feel right for us, and not by anyone else's standards.

So, do you think the DTR is still relevant? Do we as a society of women put too much pressure on it? Is it good or healthy to define the relationships we have people?