True Life: I'm a Lawyer

Yup, in case you missed it, I am the notorious lawyer. Butt of jokes, bain of some existence, hated by all, but loved when we're needed. I am constantly amazed at people's reactions when I tell them what I do. Most of them assume I make lots of money (umm myth) and keep people out of jail (wrong again).

So what do I do, well I am a civil litigator. I for the most part represent businesses in several aspects. Most of it involves lawsuits, but other times its simple business transactions. As much as I would love to say I spend days in the courtroom, I don't. I spend hours behind a monitor typing away at motions, discovery and other mundane and seemingly boring written documents. But, its an art.

I get to craft arguments, express creative notions through the beauty of the written word. You may not think it important, but a judge can spot the difference between some words on paper and a well-thought out argument. I ponder over word choice, sentence structure, and yes the placement of the comma. I rearrange sentences to not start with however, and I can spout off more than 5 ways to say "said." I have to follow more rules than a 5 year old in preschool just to file a motion and maneuver the editing tools in Word like a Geek-Squad employee.

I must be coiffed just so, but not just so to as offend a jury member. I am expected to look professional, but overboard to look like I make too much money. I have to have exquisite oral skills, but appeal to Joe Schmo from the sticks. I have to convey complex concepts to a panel of 12 people with an average 8th grade education all while making my client feel like I put forth my all. I am the quintessential mutli-tasker and jack of all trades.

I am a lawyer.*

*I drafted this at 6am and just now hit send because well I got busy drafting a zillion things and totally forgot about this.