Practice What You Preach

I know I know, you've heard it before, and quite possibly from you mom, dad, priest (sorry good Catholic girl here), or other role model. But hey its hard ya know! I mean I tell my husband all the time not to use the word "hell" when speaking to the dog, but I tend to use it a lot. As in my inner monolugue with myself that goes something like this

Me: Well now that sounds like a good idea to walk into the middle of traffic
Inner Me: Why in the HELL would you do that?

I also tell my sister and BFF all the time that they should do this or that, or trust in their own thoughts, etc... but then I turn around and second-guess myself, or do exactly what I told them not to. In law, you tell clients to do this or that, like don't blow if caught in a DUI/DWI, or don't say anything while you are in the back of a police car.... (yeah I know you're thinking what idiot does this... they all do!).

Then I think of the lessons we teach our kids (not that I have any). Nonetheless I have friends with kids and I hear them say eat your veggies (but how many moms and dads eat theirs?), don't swear (only to say Sh*t when they drop something), or the best they say use the Golden Rule (and then proceed to gossip for an hour with their girlfriends). See practicing what you preach is hard work! I mean who do I think I am? Jesus?

So, I try to live my life more on the practice what you preach, except when that stupid idiot driving in front of you cuts you off because she is putting on makeup and texting while driving in traffic! (you do not want to see that me... she's scary!). I know that I have my faults: I gossip, I mean I love a good juicy story, I have been known to use the occasional bad word, and yes I have been known to nag my husband.... The important lesson is that I know I have these faults. I accept them, I apologize, and remind myself to be better tomorrow. I also preach those things that I know I do. Tolerance, forgiveness, acceptance.

I tolerate those different than me, in color, creed, thoughts, values. I forgive those who have hurt me because God forgives me. I accept who I am --  my strengths, weaknesses, faults, my past, present, and future.

Each day is a new chance to practice who you want to be. It's a new beginning, a new page of the book of you. It does not matter who you were yesterday, or even in the last 30 minutes. You get to practice the sermon that is you. ~The Illegal Blonde

Depo Funnies

Q: ". . . is xxx the document that would have precipitated the issuance of xyz . . .?"
A: " . . . Are you saying is the document with -- with its changes, did that precipitate the changes?"
Q: "yes, sir"
A: "I'll have you define for me what precipitate means."
"It's rain, isn't it?"
A: "Did it rain?"
Q: "Causes -- caused it or set it in motion"

Why I Went to Law School Part 2

So if you haven't read last Friday's post, now would be the time. So, I left off Friday working for my alma mater and my father reappearing... So I'm sure you all are familiar with sites such as classmates.com and the like... well this is how my father found me. One day I was sitting on the couch checking my email and BAM! (totall Emeril moment) there was an email from him.

At first I was in shock... I mean this has go to be a joke, right? No, it was him. Thanks classmates.com.... I did not know what to do, to tell you the truth. Part of me was angry, part scared, part sad... I had a rush of emotion. I reverted back to the days of if you do not acknowledge your problem it will go away... So I ignored it. I pretended the email did not exist and went on about my life for a couple of weeks. I talked to my then boyfriend, now husband about it. I decided to answer the email. I mean come on, its email people. But there was still this part of  me that was so scared he would just show up at my doorstep. I mean what would I do then?

I answered his email and we excanged a few back and forth. Nothing extensive and I was always brief. I mean I was busy. I was in the middle of pageant prep, working full time, and just trying to pay bills. I did not need any more stress in my life. I didn't tell anyone about this. Of course he wanted to see me and tell me how sorry he was etc... blah blah... I did not want to hear it, I was mad, ok beyond mad, i was angry, I hated him. I blamed all the crappiness of my life on him. I was finally standing on my own two feet for the most part and did not need the sperm donor to come back into my life and ruin things.

As the months went by I kept on with m pageant prep and working happily away...  I did not think anyone noticed that I was stressed, on edge and in  general just not a nice person. My boss did. She was worried about me. I told her it was just pageant stuff getting in my head. I mean come on, I had people telling me what to eat, what to wear, how to act 24/7.. that alone was enough to get to someone. I went to some counseling and everything seemed to get better. No one was the wiser of the other the pressure in my life. Well, pageant came and went. But I realized during that strenuous week that I needed a change. I was not this scared person I was pretending to be all this time. I had goals, wants, dreams....

I'm sure my family and friends thought I just woke up one morning and said ok law school now. But it was more than that. I finally had this person back in my life, kind of, and I realized that the reason I left law school dreams in the dust was because I was scared. What if I wasn't good at it? What if I failed? But most of all, what if I couldn't help someone like me. I decided to stop living in fear and comfort, and go for it. I was 25 years old and if I didn't do it then, I never would. So I took an LSAT prep class and went for it.

I told only a few people. I wrote about my father and my life for my personal statement. I wanted to do more with my life, I wanted to help people. I wanted justice in the world. I wanted to speal for people who had no voice. I wanted to be someone's hero. I knew that people did things they were ashamed of and knew were wrong, but that did not mean they were bad people. They deserved just as much of a change as anyone. Because had no one given me a change there is no clue where I would be today. I am who I am because people were not scared to take a chance on me. I applied to schools in and out of state and waited.

I look back now and realize that it was fear that held me back. I was so afraid of people getting to know me, the real me. I feared if they knew my past, they would discredit my future. I did not think anyone would want... me. The one with the crappy childhood. Who grew up with an incarcerated father. Who lived through fights, near-eviction, who saw her single mother struggle to give her kids the best she could. But the truth is, that most people don't care, and those who let that define a friendship are not friends at all.

So that's it! I went off to law school, graduated and started working. (well there is a lot more to the story, but that's for like the next 50 posts...) Am I doing exactly what I want to do, no. But do I love it, yes! I am learning everyday how to perfect my craft. See, it doesn't matter what kind of law you practice, because it still teaches you invaluable skills. Someday I would love to work on capital murder cases. I want to be the voice for the people. Innocent until proven guilty. But until then, I help people in other ways. Someone asked me if I was selling out by working for a civil defense firm. NO. I am still helping people. The practice of law is all about problem solving. Whether its for a person or business... Everyone deserves good representation and advice. I continue to work for the things I believe in in other ways.

I was a voice for domestic violence when I competed in pageants, I am a walking example that statistics do not define who you are and who you will become. It goes to show that hard work and dedication pay off. The road is not easy, but the road leads you wherever YOU take it. ~The Illegal Blonde.

Why I Went to Law School

I was having a conversation with a fellow lawyer yesterday, and I asked him why he went to law school. He came back with some smartass answer and proceeded to say, well why did you go to law school? I went with my first answer, which is what I normally say when people ask me this question. I went because its something I always wanted to do. People then say, well didn't you work at your alma mater after undergrad, then why not law school then... I come up with a canned answer about how I was just exhausted of school after undergrad and needed a break, and wanted to save money, blah, blah, blah..... It seems to passify people and I go on about my day. But the truth is I know exactly why I went to law school and exactly why I waited.

Two days before I turned 9, my father was taken into custody in the parking lot of a mall. No big deal you say, well for me it was. It was in the newspaper and I'm pretty sure it garnered a small spot on the evening news. At the age of 9 I didn't really understand what happened, and its probably better I didn't. I just know that my father stood trial and my grandparents came to town, but I was not to see them. I was sheltered from the harsh reality that my father was a convicted felon.

I grew up knowing that my father was in jail, but I never really understood why until I was 22. Sure I often wondered what he did, and asked my mother, but I was met with canned answers and I never pressed for more. My mother was protecting me, protecting her baby girl. She tells me that I will understand someday when I have children, and I know I will.

But the truth is, when my father went to prison, the course of my life changed. I no longer wanted to be a "mummy doctor" (which I later learned was an OBGYN, and let's face it, I don't do blood well) and decided I wanted to be a lawyer.  When I was in junior high I got involved in a great program called Teen Court. It was run by the city and allowed teens with Class C misdemeanors to be judged by a jury of their peers and defended and prosecuted by teens. They were given community service hours in lieu of a fine, and successful completion allowed their record to be cleared. I loved my time in this program serving as both a defense and prosecution attorney. I volunteered over 500+ hours during 5 years and gained invalueable skills and lifelong friends.

It's amazing that I managed to finish high school, college, and law school without most people knowing who I really was. It's not that I was ashamed per se, its more that I didn't now anyone to look at me and say poor girl... The truth is, had I not faced the obstacles I would not be who and where I am today.

Flash forward to my junior year of college when I learned the truth. Finally someone was complety honest with me. I learned that my father was not who I thought he was. My childhood was not some fantasy princess land. What my father did is wrong. How my family dealt with it was probably wrong too. Keeping details from me taught me that lies were okay and if you just don't deal with your problems, then they don't exsit. WRONG... on so many levels. I was a 21 year old woman who was unable to deal with emotions, have a stable relationship and had lied so many times I didn't know the truth. The last thing I wanted to do was law--I wanted to escape.

And I got my chance. My senior year of college I was accepted into a study abroad program in London, just in time. In December my father was released from prison and I was afraid he would find me. I was afraid something bad would happen. What that bad thing was I don't know, but it was what I was taught--run, hide, and don't tell anyone. So January 2005 I headed off to jolly ole England. I spent 4 months in bliss! I interned at a great church, travelled Europe, sipped tea and never thought about my father, or law school. I returned to the States in May, graduated from college and went to work in higher education.

I worked for my alma mater and was happy as a clam. I loved what I did and the people I worked with. But this all changed when my father came back into my life.

Ok, so I know I left you hanging. But this is only half of the story. I promise more, so tune in for the rest!

Fashionable v. Professional

This is a constant debate I have when I am getting dressed for work. Yes, I'm a lawyer, no I'm not a man, nor am I over the age of 40. I'm in the gap of wanting to dress my age and wear things that are fashionable, but let's face it, I'm a lawyer who works with the good 'ol boys! So how do I marry professional dress with fashionable chic? Simple, its all about the cut and accessories! Here a few staples in my wardrobe that allow me to marry fashion with profession!

• Tights! I live in tights, especially since its cold outside and freezing in my office. Tights and even hose help me transition a shorter skirt into proper office attire. Match the color of your hemline to your tights and voila! I love:

Have these in grey!

a little texture is still professional


• A good blazer! I have found that if I had a blazer that has something interesting to it, I can maintain my status as a lawyer, but still look "in!"
• Cute shoes. Who says that you have to wear black, navy, or taupe shoes? (although I love a good nude pump) Add a little flair with a peep toe pump or even a solid bootie.

• Accessories! A belt over a sweater to give you a defined waist, long layered necklace, or cute chandelier earrings. Just be careful on how wild you go!
• Monotone pallet - I try to go neutral when possible. I pair shades of grey and black so that I appear to be wearing a suit. Or I do creams with browns. I use color in my accessories or shoes. Today I am wearing this outfit, but with black booties, a black belt, and no fur!

Just because I'm a lawyer, does not mean I have to lose the fashionable v. professional battle. Now I will confess that when it comes to the courtroom, a suit is a must. There are just some places where nothing trumps professional. ~The Illegal Blonde

P.S. - Tall boots made of pleather are NEVER okay at the office!

Lawyer or Cynic?

Being a lawyer makes you cynical. Seriously people, I have become of a cynic since I started law school, and eveb more of one since I began practicing. It all started in torts when all us 1Ls thought it was funny to walk around and name random torts in action. Hey, you bumped into me-battery!Opps, did you see that assault? This prof has kept us over by 1 minute-false imprisonment.... And let's not even start with all the negligence and duty jokes.

The point is that you go to law school not to learn the law, but to learn how to think like a lawyer. All those issue spotting essays make you see issues all around you. You begin to walk around your house thinking of ways you can sue your landlord, meals become lessons in let's sue the fast food chain, and buying things.... its products liability! Law students are like trained dogs, we are conditioned to hunt out issues and give you the answer to your problems.

But then I began to practice. My eyes were opened to a whole new world of cynacism. Insurance policies protect, well some people; people will blame everyone and everything other than themselves for injuries; don't employee people, you may be liable for what they say, don't say, and do or don't do; buying a home is well not an investment, its a lawsuit; and don't build or make anything... because when someone does something stupid with it, its YOUR fault!

I now walk around thinking of all the lawsuits just waiting to happen! That guy cut me off, well I can sue him! My backyard and porch are flooding, blame the landscape guy, my fireplace is leaking, darn inspector did not catch it! I drive home from work thinking of all the people I could sue for reckless driving, I shop in the grocery store and see slip and falls, or food poisoning. I now wonder if I could soley live off of damages awards.

Ok, so I don't seriously think that everyone is walking around contemplating lawsuits, but after you spend time looking at lawsuits all day, you begin to think what's wrong with the world! I am now that person who reads every line of fine print, the back of every receipt, and follows every traffic law to a T. Law school may have made me a cynic or perhaps its just opened my eyes as to how the worl really works. ~The Illegal Blonde

Slave to the Billable Hour

I had lunch with a couple of friends who are also first year associates yesterday. We have a common bond beyond law school, clerkships, and even living in the same city--we are first years. We each walked down our respective blocks to meet for an afternoon of catching up and lamenting about our lives.

As a first year there is a sort of  hazing, but not in the Animal House way. It's more in the you belong to the pledge class of newly pinned associates. You wear the uniform, you know only those with offices around you, you get there first and leave last, and you live in constant fear of  malpractice! (ok so that may be an exageration). But you get my drift, you are on the non man's land of law, you don't know anything, but are expected to know everything!

You speak a language that only another first year understands: document review, drafting discovery, billable hours, and research! Gone are the days of afternoon naps, a jog at 3pm or gasp! staying out past midnight on the weekend! You now look forward to Saturday and Sunday so you can catch up on sleep, or stay in your pj's. You go to bed at 9pm and know what 6am looks like. You have become... boring.

Mid-lunch jump when email dings.... that sound can give you a heart attack! Remember when email was no more than an announcement of free lunch in the auditorium or a sponsored happy hour on Thursday? Not now! Email is the way the know where you are. And the clock! It ticks slowly Monday-Friday and way to fast on the weekend. The clock is constant reminder of how many hours you have or have not billed today! Eeek, do I even have time to pee?!? can I bill for thinking while I am in the bathroom?

As our lunch came to a close, we were glad to have the bond that we share. We enjoyed the chance to lament and share in our situation. We laughed as we all agreed we would never recommend law school to anyone, but then again would any of us change what we are doing now? Would we turn back the clock and make a different career decision? Probably not, because then we would not be the first year associate. So until we lunch again, I am reminded how blessed I am that I have those friends who truly understand me and will never judge me for going to sleep at 8pm on a Friday. ~The Illegal Blonde