Blogtember: My rant on Trust

  Today's prompt: What is the best piece of advice you have been given.   Trust your instincts.  

It's amazing how you just know. You know when something isn't right, feels funny or off. You have that sixth sense that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up or causes you double check the locks. Its an innate feeling that says trust this person and not that person. Your intuition tells you the better choice without you even asking it.

 

Doesn't mean I always listen to it. Man oh man, can I look back and say so many times if I had only trusted myself. Hindsight is 20/20 right? But, its true, your body naturally knows things. Its from experience, adaptation, survival so to speak. Your brain is this complex muscle that has great capacity and reasoning and memory. Its senses things we cannot that allows the brain to tell us what the right choice is. Amazing huh? Smart lil thing that lies between our ears....  It communicates through emotions, body sensation, (like a gut feeling), pictures in your mind, words, hunches, instincts and dreams.

 

But I often wonder why we don't listen to our instincts. What causes us to second-guess and doubt? Fear. Yup, a little four-letter word. Its not something we are born with, but its a learned thing. The older we get the more experiences we have to rely upon. But as we step out more into the world, meet more people – some disingenuous, others outright shady – we begin to realize that not everyone thinks and acts the same as us. Heck, I don't even act how I want to err 99% 75% of the time.

 

I used to be such a trusting person. I believed in the inherent goodness of most people, most of the time. But I’d like to think I’m also discerning. I didn't extend trust to everyone I met, and I sometimes met people who I wouldn’t trust as far as I could kick them. It’s often got nothing to do with their history. Rather an indefinable feeling I get about them.  But as time wore on, and my life experiences grew, I grew more and more distrusting. I stopped listening to my gut and just didn't trust anyone, and especially not myself. I had been conditioned to be leery and guarded.

 

Over the past few months I have tried to be more trusting, letting people in, allowing myself to be vulnerable, listening when He speaks. I have triumphed and failed all in the same sentence at times. Why? I have to trust myself listen to my intuition. What gets in the way of benefiting from our intuition with people and decisions is the fear of what will happen if we listen to it. Sometimes you have so much invested in the status quo its easier to avoid anything that threatens it, giving people the benefit of the doubt far too long.  I fear the reaction of others if I question their integrity – whether it be causing them offence or an outright confrontation (cause we all know how much I love confrontation). More often, we fear how our own life will be impacted if our suspicions are proven correct. Tuning in to your intuition takes courage because it requires that you risk losing something you want and facing a reality you don’t. Humiliation. Being alone. Ugly press. Others judgments. Social ostracism. Loss of face, friendship, and the identity we had of ourselves and whoever violated our trust.

 

You cannot live in fear. I have to trust that just because things didn't turn out how I wanted them to in the past, doesn't mean they won't in the future. That, simply because my marriage or other relationships failed doesn't mean all future relationships will too. Its not that I pick the wrong people, its just I don't listen when my instincts tell me who the right one is.

 

So, how do you solve it? Me, I have had to simply pause from my busy-ness, take a few deep slow breaths and observe what I am feeling about a particular person, situation or decision I need to make in work or life. I pray. I listen for that quiet murmur in my head or the queasiness in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes its just a subtle inkling or quiet sense of foreboding, or maybe something more distinct, ya know when every atom in your body screams at you to pay attention, change direction, or run straight for the nearest exit. About face, do not pass go, do not collect $100.

 

So I feel I have digressed, but the truth? Trust is the cornerstone of our relationships yet it exists on a spectrum. Living on either end of it – trusting blindly or refusing to trust anyone – exacts a profound price. Blind trust and distrust are equally expensive. While refusing to trust anyone because someone we once trusted betrayed it doesn’t serve us in the long run. Whichever end of the spectrum we gravitate toward, we must all be discerning about who we trust, what we trust them with and when we should withdraw it. All people deserve a chance to prove their trustworthiness; no-one should expect to keep it if their actions prove them lacking.

 

I need to learn to trust myself and trust others. I need to listen to my instincts. And I apologize for my rant on this subject. Perhaps someone is trying to tell me something.