You may or may not be reading this right now, or perhaps if you are you have yet to figure out its you. You inevitably are an unexpected addition to my life. You walked in suddenly and quickly grew into a mainstay. You have taken up residence in my thoughts and in my heart and even in my dreams.
You should know I am broken. I have experienced pain and struggle in my life and work daily to overcome it. I doubt and fear and worry, Oh I worry. I know I seem so strong and confident to you, but inside, I second-guess and double-think. I want you to see only the perfect picture of a woman, a future wife and mother. I am put together and proper, polite and refined. In reality, I am a mess of emotion and I sin against myself and you.
I want to please you. I want to make you happy. I also need your respect and admiration, but I will often forgo my own comfort to ensure yours. I will see the smile I bring to your face and want to relive it again and again.
I am fragile. Be careful with my heart. It's guarded and needs to be cared for. Be careful with your words and promises-- I take them as truth. Be a communicator. I want to be a good communicator. Right now, it’s something I really need to work on because I keep my feeling under lock and key and tend to clam up when something upsets me or my feelings are hurt. I want to get better at expressing my emotions and talking through my problems. I don’t want to be that woman who says she’s fine when really, she wants to punch you in the face for something you didn't realize would even upset me let alone bring on a full-court meltdown. Communication is such a huge part of any relationship, be it romantic or otherwise. This needs to be one of the cornerstones of ours. I have seen firsthand when a relationship has either very little or no communication.
See me. I don't mean just look into my eyes (though you should); I mean look into my soul and see me. Who I am and what I stand for, where I want to go and who I want to be. Know when to let me shine and when to hold me tight and tell me its ok.
Be my champion, best friend and soul mate. I want to have fun with you. All too often, I hear people complain about their significant others in derogatory ways (I admit I did this in the past). They engage in spouse bashing, talk down about them, and you wonder why they even married them at all. I don’t want to be that type of woman that goes running to my friends to bash you whenever we have a fight. I want to respect our relationship, respect that we will have disagreements, and respect your role as the leader of our relationship. I want our relationship and future marriage to look different than many of the ones I see on a daily basis. I want us to actually like each other as friends and want to be with each other every day til we're 85.
Be romantic. It doesn't have to be flowers and candlelit dinners, its about knowing those little things that elicit that sparkle in my eyes and doing them. Its the note I find hidden in my bag or mirror, the text that simply tells me you are thinking about me. Sure, I still need big moments, but romance is about showing me that you choose to pursue me everyday, long after the "honeymoon."
I am a child of God, His daughter. Support this and know its important. We may not always agree or see eye-to-eye here, but see that I must first satisfy my life with Him before I can satisfy my life with you. I pray for you often and for our future. I pray we walk together hand-in-hand facing life as one.
Know that I love you. I love you for you and not for someone I hope you to be or expect you to become, but for who God has shaped you into. He has brought you to me to show me what it means to experience unconditional love. Forgive me because I will forget this and try to force you to do things that are against you nature (like putting the toilet seat down or foregoing the game for some pageant thing) and I will expect you to just know, ya know why I am mad, or sad, or upset...
So ___, when the day comes and the time is right I will stand before God everyone and profess my love for you, but right now I profess my love for God that He brought you to me. I will continue to be His daughter and live my life out as I should so I can be the best me for you.