Open Call

This my announcements that I am holding and open call, an audition, taking applications for a husband. Yup.... you heard me I am in the market. I know, how cliché, I am supposed to be this independent, liberal "she can do it all" woman of the world! Pft!

I consider myself quasi-handy. Yup, I can change light fixtures, install ceiling fans, work a drill... I have even been known to change the locks. And this is exactly what brought about this open call. I was changing the back door lock last night and things went well (minus the 16 mosquito bites I got while the door was open). So, I proceeded to do the front door. Took off old one, scraped deadbolt off the door because it was painted on and proceeded to put on new one. Then I realized they gave me the wrong deadbolt. See, I have this little decorative piece that goes around my deadbolt on the front door and the new was did not accommodate for that. Miffed is an understatement. I proceeded to put the old one back on, should be simple right? WRONG!

It would no go back on. I could get it all lined up then part would fall off. I would get it lined up and then the screws would not line up. I would get it almost done and the stupid decorative piece would move. I threw my hands up in frustration. I was crying right there over a deadbolt.

This is just not how it was supposed to be. Where was the man who would come to my rescue and help me? No where. I was alone, hot, tired, big-bitten and no lock on my front door. I yelled at the poor soul on the phone who called just to see how my night was. (sorry) I had all but given up. 45 minutes later I was back in action, granted the door is only held in place by one bolt. So come on burglars break on in!

So... I laid on the couch called a friend and b!tched and decided I needed a man. So, here are the things I am looking for:

• kind
• loving
• handy
• gives backrubs
• gives footrubs
• likes my dogs
• works out
• eats relatively healthy
• has tools and will never let me do anything by myself when it comes to home improvement unless I tell him I can do it and even then swoops to my rescue
• handsome
• good job (heck a job)
• and likes me for me

See, not that bad right? I mean he also needs to be able to deal with my less-than-normal family; slight temper, shopping addiction, and need to be right (always right). Oh and if he cooks and cleans that would not be a bad thing either.

My point is, I cannot do it all and its ok. Sometimes you just have to ask for help. But.... if ya know any good men... Have a fabulous Monday y'all!