Couple trips of emptying my stomach later and long nap, I was staying here for the weekend. I also saw later that 35 South was closed in both directions past Waco, so my 3 hour trip to Austin would have lasted 6-7, so fate?
But this weekend gave me some time to think and reflect. Last week was interesting in my life. I was given some good news, some bad news, and some surprising news all in the course of a couple days. I found out some people incredibly close to me were going to be parents! I congratulated my brother on his new job & found out I was going to be an Aunt again! (seriously everyone is knocked up these days). I had a ghost of dating past eerily reappear and finally opened up about tons of things that had been going on in my head and heart. I basically reevaluated every aspect of my life.
In between unconscousness I did some sole searching. I prayed a lot, read the Gospel and read every journal entry I made in the last 4 years. I am amazed how much my life has changed and how much it has stayed the same. 4 years ago, I was clerking before my third year of law school and M and I were trying to get back together. I was lost and confused and most of all scared. I had this picture of what I wanted my life to be and I had this opportunity to make it work.
Today, I am still lost and scared. But in the last four years I have realized that its better to say what is on mind than hold it in. I have nothing to lose by revealing my heart other than the change to do it. I know that my thoughts and opinions, wants and needs matter. I am equipped to face whatever life hands me, though not always with grace and charm. I know that sometimes you only get one change to let people know what they mean to you. I am able to keep toxic people out and let those who truly care in. It does't mean I don't make stupid decisions or perhaps say a tad too much. I disappoint myself and still do not understand His plan for me. But I know, that everything happens for a reason. Every encounter, thought, decision and move we make it for some greater plan that we cannot see. So, I will live every day to fullest, have no regrets and make sure I speak the truth not only to other, but to myself. In the words of Shakespeare:
Im SO glad that you got the time that you needed to reflect, relax and feel overall better. It sounds like you weren't going to give it to yourself (the time), so God made sure that you had it! You are an incredible woman and no matter what you face, I know that you will make the best of it, or learn the most from it that you can. All of the people who love and care about you will be there. Don't be afraid to share. The people who judge you aren't your true friends....friends are there to support, not judge.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear your weekend was a productive one spiritually and emotionally! Sometimes the most productive ones don't involved actual movement! Lots of hugs and love your way, sweet friend!!
I was so bummed for you, on Friday when I heard the news about Austin, I know you were looking forward to the ranch. But, it sounds like God wanted you home, to be able to reflect using the tools of your past, to show you how far you've really come.
ReplyDeleteAnd lady, you've come so far. In just the short, two+ years that I've known you, your life has changed and you have grown immensely. I'm so proud of you, your strength, your FAITH and your heart. You are a beautiful soul, my friend, and man do I love you for being you!
I'm still praying for you and hoping God will show you what He wants for your path, but I KNOW you will make the right decisions, whatever they may be. I'm here for you, as always! xoxo, my fabulous BOFF!
Good for you for being still and listening to HIM. Sometimes it does take HIM to literally stop you in his tracks to make you draw closer and rely on him to carry you and lead you in the right direction.
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling better and have more energy today.