Creepin

Yes, I apparently when to a baseball game and ended up on a roller coaster... but if you look closely you might just see the best creepin of all time... And rest assure you better read creepin and say it in the Eric Church voice (and if you do not know who Eric Church is or the reference then I'm not sure we can be friends, or you live under a rock).

But I digress, what's new though... Hmm so in light of my recent life changes I have had a couple of freakouts... including yesterday's I hate the IRS one, which involved my paycheck shrinking to the tune of $300 a month. Yes, you heard me people, the IRS screws single people. Yes, I the single woman who must support herself now must do so with $600 less a month. Tell me how this makes any sense? Seriously? This sticker show was met with tears, anger, a few choice words, and then thinking through things calmly (yeah right, me calm?). I freaked out! How would I pay for the new car I just got? Well, a few tears, prayers and rational thinking (thank you friends and family) I managed to come to terms with this recent dollar development and rework my budget. So, goodbye yoga, massages and well anything fun (unless I want to move into a shack and drive a beat up Honda). I just vowed that God will provide and this forces me to just rethink what is truly necessary in my life right now. (Sorry Chloe and Sophie, no fancy haircuts for you!).

You would think that was enough... until you know Pandora's box opens and life just starts jumping up and kicking you in the patootie. if you have read my blog for any decent time you have inevitably read why I went to law school (parts 1 & 2) and know a lil history on my father and such and so on. Well, I have always been uber curious as to the real story and some things that I was just not privy to. Hello fabu friend who works in the DA's office and helped a girl out. (Pretty sure he may now be thinking oh Lord why did I agree to help this crazy girl?)

Needless to say, this has been a trying week for me. I am clinging to the faithful and encouraging words of my wonderful friends and family. One of my friends sent me a text last night after she went to a celebration at our church and it hit home with me. She told me how we often try to fix ourselves up for God so he will love us, but instead we need not do this. He makes us clean and saves us from sin without asking. It hit me. I have been trying so long to fix myself, to be more reverent, faithful to show Him (and others) I am worthy. I have been so focused on trying to be what I thought everyone wanted that I have forgotten how to be myself. Me, that person He created to serve a greater purpose. Me who was sent here to do great things. Yes I will suffer, but not in vain. Every challenge I face is not Him telling me to fix myself, but preparing me for something else.

So as hard as its been, I have been trying to let go and pray instead of scream, breathe instead of freaking out and seeking help when I know I need to be lifted up.

So, yes only I can go to a baseball game and end up on a roller coaster.