See, I am that species of woman who had this grand plan for her life and could just "see" it all unfold before her eyes, until it didn't and I turned into control freak woman who will scare away the ever elusive "good guy" because of complete insecurity complex. Yes, people, I need to learn when to shut up.
But in all honestly, I know where this stems from. I was that woman who thought she could change man, that marriage would all of a sudden produce this man who put me before him, did sweet little things just because, and well caused a complete 180 attitude change. I ignored the cautionary
"you cannot change him." So now, I am so scared to end up there again, or not get what I want from life that I have turned into overbearing, let's make up problems and issues so we can talk about them woman. I.AM.SCARED. Yup, scared. Not of moving on, or a new relationship, but that it will turn out like the last. That I will somehow find myself in the same situation and then end up alone again and more heartbroken than before. I want so much for my plan to get back on track that I am driving people nuts.
I know I can't control life, its outcome, and especially other people. I know that, I hear it, I understand it, but I do an awful job of living it out. In my mind life is pretty simple, find a good thing, and do whatever you can to keep it; make a plan and stick to it; and don't stall, keep moving forward. I move at warp speed and have to remember not everyone does and if I don't slow down I will miss lost of life experiences along the ride.
Oh lady I hear you. I have not been in your exact situation, but I did NOT speak my mind in my first serious relationship and everything blew up. From then on, I spoke way too much to make sure I didn't make the same mistake again. I didn't mind making new mistakes but was TERRIFIED of making the same mistake twice.
ReplyDeleteI think that talking isn't a bad thing, it keeps you on the same page, but sometimes it can upset the natural flow of things. I think if something is SITTING in your mind or on your heart speak it, but if it's just fleeting maybe sit on it a day.
I know you will be okay because you are strong, beautiful and faithful! I LOVE YA BOFF!
WOW!!! Have you been in my head lately?!?!?! I am the same way so scared that if I let someone in and let my guard down I will end up in the same situation I was in. I'm not scared to meet anyone and am decently open to the idea but the first sign of overbearing from him I'm OUT!!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up sweet girl :)
I'm a talker. I do it for a living for goodness sakes as a corporate trainer. I will say though , some of the best advice i ever got was from a train the trainer session and i was the pupil. Be Still and Listen. Its funny that we feel like we have to fill the silence voids. You learn a lot from others when you're the one being quiet and others do the spilling. You're normal with these fears which is why so many people actually spend money on "fortune tellers". How great would it be if we could actually see into the future and know we wouldnt have heart break. I know that you're a strong Christian woman and so TRUST that whatever HIS plan is- its supposed to be. That may even require more pain in the future but it would somehow be good for you. Did that make sense? Anyway, you're smart and beautiful and you're learning to be the woman you're supposed to be for the next Mr Right!
ReplyDeleteYou should read the book "The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands". You can't change a man, but you also can't be afraid of a future relationship. I think that book is a GREAT guide for women to gain power in a relationship to maximize it, but not control it. True love doesn't need control, it needs fostering. Just my suggestion! It might give you a different perspective.
ReplyDeleteHI lady!! I'm just stopping in to say hi. I don't blog anymore (obviously) but I was just thinking about you and gees you've been up to so much! Keep in touch if you can!
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