I loved my girl's weekend like so much and it was such a blessing to be with them when I needed them the most. However if I was asked one more time if I was ok I thought I might puke. I know they care, but lord what do you think I am going to say? I'm horrible I want to shrivel up in a hole and die? Yes people I am indeed ok... Which leads me to this post: starting over.
How do you start over? How do you begin again at 30? I know people say their 30s are the best of their lives, but what do you do when your life re-begins at 30? What do you do after 7 years of having one constant person in your life? What do you do when you want to call them because its natural? Or when you cry or are happy, sad, mad, tired etc...? How do you go about weening yourself off of that crutch? Do you ever?
How do you trust yourself again to make good decision? How do you trust another person with your heart again when its so broken. When does the ache stop? When do you let yourself be totally you again and not so cautious that you envelope into a recluse? When do you let yourself truly feel again?
How do you put all your faith in the Lord to let you heal and love again? I know this road and journey will be long and arduous at times, but I am trusting He will guide my heart and mind. I trust He will place people in my life (like he has done) that will be gentle with my heart and take the time needed to let me open up and trust again.
I'm starting over at 30.
I found that the minute I turned 30 my life started to fall apart. I've been trying my bet to put the pieces back together and slowly but surely things are started to make sense again. It's hard. I had days when I couldn't even sleep for weeks because I was so used to someone being next to me. Even now I have moments where I feel completely empty. It has gotten better. I know things dot make sense but I'm happy you are accepting that you can start over at 30. It makes me happy to see your strength. It really does and I'm genuinely praying for you to come out even stronger than before.
ReplyDeleteAnd forgive me for my typos, I'm too lazy to delete and repeat. :) have a great day!
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing you're so hot... just sayin'. ;)
ReplyDeletelove you.
I feel like I missed something :(
ReplyDeleteEmail me!! Also do you want to do dinner Thurs if not Thurs one night next week?
Honestly you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will get better I promise - I have been there.
ReplyDeleteI won't tell you time heals all wounds - it doesn't it what you do with that time that heals. I also won't tell you that it won't always hurt - it will but it does lessen A LOT and the good times will out weight the bad in time and you will be able to look back without becoming a sobbing mess.
Be kind to yourself lean on your girlfriends and that this came to pass it did not come to stay.
Ohhhhhhhhhhh sweet friend, I wish I had the words to heal your hurt and take away your pain.
ReplyDeleteI know that you are going to be okay, but the TRUST is so hard! I'm praying for you and loving you from DC!
xoxo
((Hugs)) Not sure what's going on but thinking of you and sending you lots of prayers. <3
ReplyDeleteYou are doing things the right way. Starting with putting your Trust in GOD and leaning on him is the best way to start. Hanging with your girlfriends is perfect but understand they know you're not OK, they want you to tell them what to do which is hard. Friends want to do so much and be there but they dont know where to start. I started over 2 years ago at 43 after my 8 yr relationship tanked. It sucks but i can promise you it DOES get better with time!
ReplyDeleteI know that starting over won't be easy. But I also know that you will handle the tough stuff with your typical grace and charm, and will find your way through it in faith. So proud of you for so courageously sharing what's on your heart. Wish I could be there to give a big ol' hug. Sending love your way from GA today:) (PS: 30 is the new 20, so no worries about that. You are young and beautiful and will be okay!!!)
ReplyDelete