On Being OK

It's the question everyone will ask you post D, "Are you ok?" Ok, what does ok mean? Webster defines it as all right. We use it to mean yes, as in do you want to hangout tonight? ok. We use it to mean WTF? As in when you get upset with someone and then look at you and say Okay... (drawn out). But what does it mean to be ok? and who wants to be just ok?

I am not crazy, I am about to lose it or go off the deep end. I am divorced, not dead.  I have accepted the things I cannot change and decided to move forward. I am 30, not 80. I am single, not an alien. Yes people I am ok.

Yes, there are times I step backwards and miss things. Things, not people. Like having another person in the house to help with the pups or take the trash out, or just another warm body that takes up space. I miss conversation and always having someone to eat out with or go to the movies with. I miss companionship.

But, guess what? I have those things. Single does not mean alone. It means growing closer to my friends and family, renewing my walk with Christ and focusing on me. Yeah, that person that not neglected. I get to realize what I like, what's ok for me.

Like, I like flowers, running after work, I snort when I laugh, get embarrassed easily and have quite the sense of humor. I like wine with dinner or before bed. I like to snuggle and and hold hands. I enjoy random shows on reality TV and stolen glances.

I need a man who can lead me as well be lead. I need a man who wants to share my faith walk and wants to go to church. Someone who can show what it means to love and be loved. Who never takes me for granted and pursues me everyday.

I know these things because I am ok. Its been a journey. Its meant forgiving and apologizing, its meant frogs and toads, its meant tears and smiles. Its meant letting go and being vulnerable. Its looking forwards and not backwards. Its finding a super hero in the most unexpected place.

The D is never easy. Its like death. But after the mourning and grieving, you see the sun rise, step outside and your heart is warmed with the grace and glory of God. He gives you what you need. He gives you hope. He gives you the ability to be OK.

Moving On

So I've been pretty busy today and wasn't going to blog, until I saw a post by a good friend on her wall. It was a picture with a quote, and when I read the words I was moved.

This applies in more than the friend world. I have often thought about being fired from my first job, and I have pondered why they didn't like me, or what I did that was so bad to warrant termination. In relationships women often think we did something wrong (and most often we have) that made the relationship fail. Friendships are this way too, as are jobs and I have discovered: clients.

We all have those moments when we need closure on some aspect of our life and the first thing we do is blame, not ourselves, but the friend, spouse, bf/gf, boss, etc.. you get the point. Perhaps its not that the person or thing was bad, it was just time for that part of our story to close. It's the end of the chapter, so to speak, in the life of you.

So look not to blame what ails you, but look at it as a new chapter to begin, or as a wise professor posted, turning the page to read something new into your life story. Remember, every day is a new page. You get to write that page of your life, you can chose to begin a new chapter, end one, or simply continue the story, but each day is a new beginning, a new opportunity to make yourself who YOU want to be.
 ~The Illegal Blonde