Love is Spoken Here

I have been married for 1 and half years (well it technically it came Sunday)! There I was sitting on the couch staring at the TV hubs next to me and I was like whoa, we have been married for a year and half! Where did the time go? I realized how fast time flies when you are super busy (you totally thought I was going to say having fun...) The truth is, marriage is work people.... It's an everyday job. You do not get vacation or a free day. You have to constantly be an active part of your relationship.

This is not a friend who you can go weeks without talking to and simply pick up where you left off. Its not that winter coat or sandals that come out once a season. Marriage is 365-24/7. I am constantly learning things about my husband and myself (ya after 6 years we are still learning) and its great. As we both grow and change we have adapted--sometimes this adaption is easier than others, but we have done it together.

We have endured moves, job changes, slow times, fast times, families, and stress. But through it all we have learned how to communicate better and I believe our relationship is stronger than ever. Sure we have our moments, I mean don't we all? But at the end of the day or week, we know that we have each other's back and each other's best interest in mind. It's the time when we are on the couch, not saying anything, but we both know what each other is thinking, because in our home, love is the unwavering language.

Keys to a Happy Marriage

So, not that I am saying I am the expert of marriage and relationships, but here are the few things I have learned in the last year and half about the keys to a happy marriage:

• not having the same career as your husband, it gives you 2 things to talk about when you get home, what he did, what you did.... and neither of you is the know all
• working in complete opposite directions from home... you get that drive time to decompress
• working late hours... you are so tired when you get home there is no time to fight
• using weekends to catch up on sleep... again can't argue when you're asleep
• waking up at the same time... you do not disturb the other sleeping one
• two bathrooms (enough said)
• Friday night out... gives you time to see your spouse and well no one has to cook or clean up

Random I know, but all so true.

Prop 8 Debate

So in case you have been in a hole somewhere for the last 24 hours, then let me fill you in: The Ninth Circuit upheld the lower courts ruling the Prop 8 is unconstitutional!!! This does not mean that there will be a sudden rush of same-sex marriages in California, as there is much more legal mumbo-jumbo that has to occur before its official. The ruling, however, is important nonetheless. It's a step in the right direction towards equal rights. Ironic that this ruling came down the same day that I wrote about the sanctity of marriage. Ironic that in an age of quicky marriages and divorces we deny people the same rights. I know plenty of same-sex couples who have been in committed relationships for longer than some marriages. Yet in our country we deny these people the same rights as heterosexual couples.

Sure you can argue that the Bible says marriage is a union between one man and one woman, but hello people this is the USA. Home of seperation of church and state. Marriage, although traditionally a union by the marriage, is now no more than a contract between two people and requires a license in most states. Basically, its a contract between two people and the state. This union, however, comes with certain rights, but only for heterosexual people. Same-sex couples who cannot marry are denied rights such as tax breaks, community property, visitation in hospitals, etc... In a country that claims to be the melting pot, the land of the free and home of the brave, we sure do hide behind traditional, conservative views sometimes. In a country that allows people to marry and divorce on a whim, yet denies people who love and care for each other the same union and rights. I am amazed by those who speak out against same-sex marriage, yet have been divorced several times, cheated on their wives/husbands, or even asked for open marriages (Newt Gingrich). "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." John 8:7.

Regardless of your views on same-sex couples, remember they are people too. Don't these couple deserve the same access to rights as others? It's time that our government and courts stopped hiding behind the guise of the 14th amendment and stand up for the rights of ALL people. I applaud the Ninth Circuit for having the gull to stand up and demand justice. Just my humble opinion. ~The Illegal Blonde

Divorce Full-Court Press

It is no secret that half of all marriages end in divorce. I mean who has not heard of Kim Kardashian's infamous 72 day marriage to Kris Humphries. But when did divorce become "news?" People get divorced everyday and it is not glamourous, happy, or all about money. Reality TV and the ease of divorce seems to have lessened the bonds and vows of marriage. Every day you hear about celebrities and their short-lived marriages and their public spectacle divorces. Demie Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Heidi Klum and Seal, Kim K., even the gorgous Olivia Wilde. But why are we fascinated with this thing that ends what is supposed to be sacred?

The truth is divorce is expensive and not only monetarily, but its taxing on a person's emotions and family. Couples going through divorce start to fight over things they never cared about simply to feel like they won. That lamp that you hated, you now cannot live without, and where you never minded his poker nights, you now claim neglect and abandonment. Now, I know that sometimes divorce is the right choice. No one should be forced it live in violent or abusive conditions (either physical or emotional). And no person has to forgive someone who cheats on them. But what concerns me more, are the people who just suddenly realize they didn't think the whole marriage thing through. I admit, the transition from relationship to marriage is tough, especially the first year. But that doean't mean the whole marriage will be that way. So many people give up before they have really given it a try. A good marriage takes work. It should not be entered into lightly, but once you have you have the duty to really try and make it work.

I admit its hard to know what you are really getting into when you get married. No matter how long you date someone, there is just something different about being married. There is compromise and a certain period of getting used to each other. You are sharing everything with one person. You have to give up a little bit of your independance in order to make it work. I think this scares so many people. They jump in because they are in love, but then they are faced with living with the same person everyday and adjusting to that person's strengths and weaknesses. Even the most perfect couple will admit they have struggled at some point in their relationships.

Perhaps in today's world of instant gratification and on demand entertainment people can take the easy way out--divorce. It's easier to run from problems, rather than face them head on. I mean how many of you have start and ended a fight over text message or email rather than face to face because it was easier? Social media has allowed our society to become less about interpersonal relationships and intimate conversation. I am amazed at how much faster I can accomplish things by simply walking up to the person and getting the answer from them face-to-face.

 So I challenge you to not engage in the hype of divorce. Don't read the tabloids that expose someone else's pain. Think hard about it before you enter into the sacred bond of marriage. Try to solve problems or issues face to face. ~The Illegal Blonde

Marriage is like a lawsuit....

I have decided that marriage and engagement is much like the process of filing a lawsuit, or perhaps it should be. When you file a suit, you prepare the complaint, or petition, you basically ask that the lawsuit begin. This is engagement. But here's the real kicker, after you get engaged, women go nuts! They do not follow procedure per se, they run out and start planning the wedding. They throw caution to the wind and spend like mad women! Men stand idly by and say, well I'm not paying for this. (not that this happend in my own wedding, but in general).

What should happen is what comes next in a lawsuit: discovery. I truly beleive that each party (bride/groom) should engage in pretrial (or premarriage) discovery. There should be Request for Disclosures (RFD), Request for Production (RFP), Interrogatories, and yes Requests for Admissions (RFA). Just think of all the heartache this would save if each party simply, and civilly exchanged all the pertinent info: bank accounts, old girlfriends, potential baby daddys/mamas, crazy mothers, ex-con fathers... ya know the things come up in a marriage.

I mean think of the time in divorce court you could save if you simply gathered all the evidence beforehand and then mediated the problems prior to the big day! I think of all the seemingly little things that have come out in my first year of marriage that I wish I had known before. For the most part they are not huge issues, and we have worked through them, but I just think how much easier it would have been had this all been worked out before. And come on ladies, how many of you would love to take your fiance or husband's deposition? "Tell me the truth!!" (ok, maybe that is the baby lawyer speaking to me...) \

The point is, that sometimes I wish life were moderated and covered by civil rules (all your law kids cringe at the word Civil Procedure), but its called that for a reason, its to help make proceedings, well, more "civil." Simple thought of the day, before you say something cruel and unkind, or gesture, or write that scathing email, think would I want this to come out in court? Is this admissible against me? Gotta love the law! ~The Illegal Blonde