I have the awesome privilege to be a part of a group of Christian men and women who share in His word each week as we dine and worship together. Last night we did something new and split into men and women to truly share with each other. The goal: transparency. To say I was scared, is an understatement. I have always felt it was ok to believe and have faith, but to be honest, open, and vulnerable to a group of people, was not something I had experienced like this. Sure I can get in front of a group of people and talk about my experience with domestic violence, but to expose myself to people when it comes to my faith, was scary. So, lesson 1, its OK to be vulnerable.
I sat around the dinner table and listened to some of the other women speak. We prayed for each other and then I knew I needed to do it. I needed to share. I had sat in the group of people for almost two months, listening, learning, and experiencing, but I had yet to let Him speak through me. Part of me was always scared that the words would not come out right, or I would not be able to conjure up the perfect verse, or heck even find the book of the Bible we were in in my own Bible. Its just not something I had been taught.
It was in that moment that I got it. It's ok to walk by faith and not by sight. It's ok to doubt. It's ok to question. It's ok to be fearful. Why? Because Christ will never stop loving you. He will guide you, show you, walk with you, and give you the words when you feel silent. He fills every void, every gap, he never waivers and is always there even when you stray.
After I shared I felt healed. All the anger, pain, guilt, and shame was washed away. When I allowed myself to truly see and hear Him, I was given His grace. It was ok to be me. I sat around that table and never once did I feel judged-- I felt loved, cherished, supported. This group of women accepted me because He accepts me.
Life has not always been easy for me, its not supposed to be easy for anyone. However, I often felt like He had turned away from me, forgotten me, was angry with me. I was angry with Him. How could He let me endure all the pain and struggles I have endured. How could he let His child see so much in 30 short years? And then I remembered, it is through the weak and broken that His message becomes clear. He uses those who you least expect to be His voice and witness. He doesn't give you anything you cannot handle. He will always provide you the tools you need to survive. I guess in a way He must think I am pretty strong. I am His messenger. I am His voice to others. Whether its speaking to others about overcoming obstacles, setting goals, surviving tragedy--I have the awesome ability to show others that He is the reason I am here.
So, this Thursday I share with you why it's OK to Believe. Tomorrow is Good Friday and Sunday, Easter. These next few days I challenge each of you to be His witness. Remember, He gave His only son for us, Christ died so that we could live.
WOW! just WOW!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great great post. It truly is OK to just HAVE FAITH and not feel like you have the answers. God is there, ALWAYS and will never forsake us, how awesome is that feeling.
I find myself turning inwards and to the word this time of year. I do it quietly, but often people notice I'm not as chatty, especially after service. This week everything gets real again, Christ is going to DIE for us. Even though GRACE is an amazing gift, the fact He chose to die still gets to my heart.
Thank you for sharing such a poignant post today. I'm so glad you have those wonderful women in your life :)!
xoxo
This post made me think of the "Blessings" song by Laura Story - particularly the lines, 'What if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears. What if a 1,000 sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near. What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise...'
ReplyDelete(Here's a link to the rest of the song if you want to hear it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipYLy1pijLY).
I've often wondered why it seems that some people have to deal with heavier burdens than others. Even had moments of anger at God because of some of the things I've had to overcome. My thought? It's because He knows we can handle it. And, I believe that He also knows that in those tough moments, we will turn to Him. In our moments of weakness we need Him more than ever.
So proud of you for having the courage to share your heart Lynn! Both with us today on the blog and with your small group. He is doing great things in and through you and I am so glad to get to share in it with you! Thank you for being a blessing to me today:)
I love this post. You're a very strong lady. Have a happy Easter!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post~
ReplyDeleteYou honestly brought me to tears. I had drifted from from church and religion all together. However in the past month I started going to a church I chose which was a big step because I always went where my parent's went and honestly I didn't feel it nor did I agree with many of the things I was hearing. I grew up catholic but somewhere along the line I started going to christian mass with a friend and I really enjoyed it. Years past and the life I chose pulled away, years later here I am 26 and rekindling my bond, life and love to God. It hasn't been easy but I know he's with me and I'll get through it.
ReplyDeleteSo thank you for sharing this ♥
This post is spot on. I don't know what it is that makes talking openly about FAITH so much more difficult than anything else, but it's true. I grew up in church every single Sunday, but it wasn't something we openly talked about in spiritual terms at home. Probably has something to do with it. I'm proud of you. I'm so glad that you've found encouragement in this group. Happy belated Easter - hope it was a good weekend!
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